Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Hair *Updated*
Lili has never been cooperative letting me do anything with her hair. I have all these cute bows, clips and pony tail holders, but the fight putting them in and keeping them in her hair just wasn't worth it. However, a few days ago I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and suddenly Lili wanted her hair done. She sat down in front of me and patiently let me put a pony tail in her hair. Than today, out of the blue, she asked me to put a pony tail in her hair. My hair wasn't pulled back, but once her hair was done she insisted I do mine as well. Maybe I'll be able to start using some of the cute bows and clips soon.
Here is a front view of Lili with her hair pulled back and posing for the camera.
And here is a photo of the back. I didn't have the most cooperative subject for this photo. Speaking of hair, I find myself getting really nervous at times about caring for and fixing Naomi's hair when she comes home. Of all the things to worry about when adopting, I worry about her hair. I did join a hair care forum and have learned a lot, but it's still a concern of mine.
Anyone have any advice for me?
*UPDATE*
Blogging tends to light a fire under me from time to time. Between my post on hair and some comments I received, I now have a "Hair Care & Products" section on the right hand side of my blog page. Not only does this give me easy access to the information, but hopefully others will find it to be helpful.
As I come across other links on hair care and/or products, I'll add them to this section, so please keep the information coming.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Potty Time
Since blogging has become a great way for me to keep track of various milestones, I must post this one.
Lili successfully used the potty this morning. She's a big girl now!!!!
Lili successfully used the potty this morning. She's a big girl now!!!!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Time for Updates
The paperwork portion of our adoption continues to move at a snails pace. Our home study was submitted to USCIS on March 9th and on April 15th I went to pick up the mail and ran excitedly out of the post office with an envelope from USCIS in my hand. I got in the van and tore open the envelope only to find that it wasn't our 171H, but instead it was a letter telling us that they were contacting our home study agency to let them know that there was 'missing information' in our home study report. My shoulders dropped and I didn't know if I should be angry, frustrated, or just cry. I couldn't believe we had yet another hold up. I went home and contacted our social worker and told her what I had received. I'm glad I did, because she wasn't at the office and my email sent her to the office to check the mail. Sure enough, she had a letter from USCIS saying they needed more financial information. She told me this was a new requirement that she was not aware of and she would contact USCIS to see if she could email or fax the information to them. She assured me this was an easy fix. What a relief that it wasn't something major and that she was going to be able to get it taken care of immediately!!! Knowing that USCIS has actually looked at our file means we're getting close.
Fast forward a few days to April 21st and I get another email from our social worker wanting to know how many copies of our 'revised' home study we will need. What? What revised home study?!!! Apparently, emailing or faxing the additional financial information was not satisfactory. USCIS needed the information added to the home study, but since they no longer accept addendum's, the home study had to be revised, signed, notarized and mailed back to them. No call, no email letting us know about the revision beforehand. I thought USCIS had what they needed, but instead it was just being sent off.
USCIS should have a copy of the revised home study now and we have the copies we need for our dossier. Hopefully, since they have been reviewing our file and requested the information, it won't be much longer now.
So, that's where things stand on adoption #2. Someday we'll have Naomi in our arms and I'll have to go back to read through my blog posts to remember exactly what took place to bring her home.
Last night we met a few local Ethiopia adoptive families at a local pizza place for dinner, play and conversation. Okay, the kids played, the adults conversed and we all ate. One family just brought their daughter home 3 months ago and it was awesome seeing just how well she was adjusting to life with her new family in the U.S. She is 6 years old and full of personality. Lili absolutely loved her, as did the rest of us. Of course it makes me that much more anxious to get our little one home, but I love seeing children with their forever families.
The weather here has been very windy, but also very warm. I've been able to prop the screen door open so Lili can go in and out as she pleases (don't worry, we have a gated deck and a fenced yard). I've also been giving her some water to play with and it's been quite the hit. I think she's going to really enjoy the pool this year.
Outside time is a good time to take pictures, so I broke out the camera and started taking pictures. I probably took 20 photos over the last couple of days, but I'll only post a few here.
Water fun!
I did break out her little wading pool but I didn't manage to get any pictures of her playing in the pool.
Sitting on the deck enjoying the sun, sidewalk chalk and Easter candy!!
We've also had some visitors on our pool deck recently. Check out the cute little Doves.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saving the Planet
While waiting for Lili's adoption to become final, I told myself and Dave, that I would be using cloth diapers on Lili. I used cloth on the boys to save money and being a stay-at-home mom there really was no good reason for me not to use cloth diapers.
Lili came home in disposable diapers and has been in them ever since. Disposables are just too convenient. Go to the store, buy a box of diapers, and Velcro them on your child. Too easy! The other reason I never switched, (okay, maybe I should say "My other excuse . . . .) is that the choices in disposable diapers are easier than the choices in cloth. It truly is amazing how many different cloth diapers there are to choose from. When the boys were in diapers I had the choice between prefolded or birdseye cotton diapers. I bought cute little diaper pins and plain old rubber pants. Now there is no need for diaper pins and I'm sure rubber pants are now found in museums. My choices now are Velcro or snap diaper covers which come in a variety of colors and prints. I can still buy prefolded cotton diapers and diaper covers have replaced rubber pants. My other choice is an all-in-one diaper. There are many different diaper companies and each one advertises something a little different about their diapers. I have to admit that having so many choices made the thought of switching a bit intimidating, but earlier this week I decided to check into cloth diapers again and found a woman who has a "diaper business" in her home. Yesterday Lili and I went to talk to her about all the choices and to see exactly what the differences are between cloth diapers. Wow!!!! She had shelves and shelves of different brands and each had something that was unique about them. After about a half hour of talking diapers, I made the switch from disposable to cloth. Yes folks, Lili has been home over a year, we're just a few short months from potty training and I bought cloth diapers. But not just any cloth diapers, I bought prefolded unbleached Japanese cotton diapers with diaper covers that fit babies between 10 lbs and 40 lbs. Not only do they fit Lili now, but they will fit Naomi when she comes home. The diaper covers I bought are by a company called "Blueberry." At the suggestion of my new 'diaper expert' friend, I also purchased an all-in-one diaper made by "Bum Genius." She recommended the Bum Genius all-in-one diaper for night time. I also ordered some "gDiapers," which arrived today. These are washable diaper covers with a biodegradable insert. The gDiapers will be used primarily for travel.
I really feel good about my decision to make the switch, even if I made it much later than I had intended. Considering the fact that we go through approximately 180 diapers a month, even if she's potty trained in two months, I've kept at least 360 diapers out of our landfill. By-the-way, did you know that it takes a disposable diaper about 500 years to biodegrade? Yuck!!
There is another reason I switched. Money! Even though Lili is only going to be using diapers for a little while longer, eventually Naomi will be here and I'll have everything I need to immediately put her in cloth diapers. Just doing some quick math, we will save at least $280 per year by switching to cloth diapers. I'm guessing I'll have at least 2 more years of diapering (probably a little more), but we will save at least $560.
So, I'm trying to help save the planet and our wallets by using cloth diapers. In addition, we are now growing our own vegetables, I'm riding my bike to run errands around town, as our light bulbs burn out I'm replacing them with CFL bulbs, I use reusable cloth bags for shopping and we recycle our aluminum cans. I informed Dave that I want a clothes line in the yard to cut down on the amount of energy we're using by running the dryer and I need to start recycling our plastics and papers.
I'm looking for more ways to 'save the planet,' so please share what you are doing.
Lili came home in disposable diapers and has been in them ever since. Disposables are just too convenient. Go to the store, buy a box of diapers, and Velcro them on your child. Too easy! The other reason I never switched, (okay, maybe I should say "My other excuse . . . .) is that the choices in disposable diapers are easier than the choices in cloth. It truly is amazing how many different cloth diapers there are to choose from. When the boys were in diapers I had the choice between prefolded or birdseye cotton diapers. I bought cute little diaper pins and plain old rubber pants. Now there is no need for diaper pins and I'm sure rubber pants are now found in museums. My choices now are Velcro or snap diaper covers which come in a variety of colors and prints. I can still buy prefolded cotton diapers and diaper covers have replaced rubber pants. My other choice is an all-in-one diaper. There are many different diaper companies and each one advertises something a little different about their diapers. I have to admit that having so many choices made the thought of switching a bit intimidating, but earlier this week I decided to check into cloth diapers again and found a woman who has a "diaper business" in her home. Yesterday Lili and I went to talk to her about all the choices and to see exactly what the differences are between cloth diapers. Wow!!!! She had shelves and shelves of different brands and each had something that was unique about them. After about a half hour of talking diapers, I made the switch from disposable to cloth. Yes folks, Lili has been home over a year, we're just a few short months from potty training and I bought cloth diapers. But not just any cloth diapers, I bought prefolded unbleached Japanese cotton diapers with diaper covers that fit babies between 10 lbs and 40 lbs. Not only do they fit Lili now, but they will fit Naomi when she comes home. The diaper covers I bought are by a company called "Blueberry." At the suggestion of my new 'diaper expert' friend, I also purchased an all-in-one diaper made by "Bum Genius." She recommended the Bum Genius all-in-one diaper for night time. I also ordered some "gDiapers," which arrived today. These are washable diaper covers with a biodegradable insert. The gDiapers will be used primarily for travel.
I really feel good about my decision to make the switch, even if I made it much later than I had intended. Considering the fact that we go through approximately 180 diapers a month, even if she's potty trained in two months, I've kept at least 360 diapers out of our landfill. By-the-way, did you know that it takes a disposable diaper about 500 years to biodegrade? Yuck!!
There is another reason I switched. Money! Even though Lili is only going to be using diapers for a little while longer, eventually Naomi will be here and I'll have everything I need to immediately put her in cloth diapers. Just doing some quick math, we will save at least $280 per year by switching to cloth diapers. I'm guessing I'll have at least 2 more years of diapering (probably a little more), but we will save at least $560.
So, I'm trying to help save the planet and our wallets by using cloth diapers. In addition, we are now growing our own vegetables, I'm riding my bike to run errands around town, as our light bulbs burn out I'm replacing them with CFL bulbs, I use reusable cloth bags for shopping and we recycle our aluminum cans. I informed Dave that I want a clothes line in the yard to cut down on the amount of energy we're using by running the dryer and I need to start recycling our plastics and papers.
I'm looking for more ways to 'save the planet,' so please share what you are doing.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Meet Me In St. Louie
Dave, Lili and I headed to St. Louis for the weekend. We met up with some other families who have adopted from Guatemala and had a very nice time. Not only did we meet some new families, but it was nice seeing some familiar faces as well.
One thing that made the weekend especially great was finally meeting a mom I've spoken to via phone and chatted with via email for over a year now. She and her husband brought their son home from Guatemala a couple months before we brought Lili home. What makes this family special to us is that their son and Lili were in the same foster home for awhile. It was the first time they had been together since he left and I was thrilled to see them together again.
On Saturday a group of us met at City Museum in St. Louis. I had never heard of this place until last week, but after looking at the website I was really excited about going. I can honestly say this place is great for kids of all ages. However, it was beyond crowded!!!! The rain caused several groups (like ours) to change their plans and move indoors. As the day went on it got busier and busier. I lost most of our group and never saw them again, which pretty much defeated the purpose of our get together. Regardless, we had a good time and if you're making a trip to St. Louis with the kids, go check out City Museum.
Saturday night we headed to Fitz's Rootbeer for dinner. Another place I had never heard of before last week. The food was decent and I personally think it's worth visiting again in the future. The kids got a bit restless, but it didn't matter. Fitz's is extremely kid friendly!!!
Here are a few photos from our weekend in St. Louie!
Mommy and Lili posing for a photo at City Museum.
City Museum has a video arcade with old arcade games. 25 cent pin ball machines, car race game, target practice games, etc. I felt like I was walking back into my childhood.
Lili and mommy walking in the big barrel. Didn't take mommy long to get dizzy.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
New Photos
I have taken several new photos of Lili this week and some are just too cute not to share.
Lili and her new bunny.
Our little princess :-)
"OH, Easter Basket!!!!!"
"And eggs with candy!!!!"Our little princess :-)
And the tiara as a headband.
She put the tiara on daddy's head too, but he wouldn't let mommy take a picture of him wearing it.Monday, April 13, 2009
Congrats and Exciting News *Update*
Congratulations are in order for Maria. She and her hubby brought their baby girl home over the weekend and she's just adorable.
Exciting news from my blog friend Carrie. She and her husband are adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo and in just a couple of weeks her husband will be traveling to pick up their new son.
A family from our agency group, the Zimmer's are also leaving soon to pick up their beautiful daughter.
Another blog friend Chantelle is waiting on court date news today. I'm hoping for nothing but good news for her family. *They passed court. Stop by and say congratulations.*
A lot of good things happening in the adoption world over the next couple of weeks which is always exciting!!!
Exciting news from my blog friend Carrie. She and her husband are adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo and in just a couple of weeks her husband will be traveling to pick up their new son.
A family from our agency group, the Zimmer's are also leaving soon to pick up their beautiful daughter.
Another blog friend Chantelle is waiting on court date news today. I'm hoping for nothing but good news for her family. *They passed court. Stop by and say congratulations.*
A lot of good things happening in the adoption world over the next couple of weeks which is always exciting!!!
Friday, April 10, 2009
End of Week
There was way too much adoption drama this week and I can honestly say I'm glad the week has come to an end. Other than the rainy day we're having today, the weekend is supposed to be sunny with nice spring time temperatures. We have yard work that needs to be done and last weekend we put in the first two raised bed frames for our raised vegetable garden. One is now full of dirt, so today's rain is actually a good thing. This weekend we'll plant some cool weather veggies and try to get the rest of the garden planned out. Lili loves being outside and has really enjoyed helping with the garden project (if you want to call it helping). We'll see how she does with the planting :-)
And now for her more serious side.
Yes, I was playing with my camera settings again and Lili was obviously ready to go. Thus, the blurry photo and serious look! However, I still think the picture is adorable.
One thing I did a lot of this week is riding my bike. Stressing out about the USCIS stuff forced me to be much more conscious of just how much better I feel after I've gotten some exercise. Just a 10 or 15 minute ride around town did a lot for my mental health and obviously it's doing something for my body as well. Apparently, I do have muscles in my legs! What's even more apparent to me is that there is something go on in the rear (if you know what I mean). Boy does it hurt!!!! Taking a rain day from bike riding is probably a good thing.
I haven't posted much about Lili this week so I'll take a little time to fill everyone in on what's going on in her life.
Now that it's gotten warmer here, we're spending more time outside and she 'loves' it. She wants her coat and to go side (outside). We bought some new sidewalk chalk and have started some driveway artwork. When we're not able to go outside she enjoys using her chalk on construction paper. I think we'll need to invest in a chalkboard in the not too distant future.
Going on our bike rides is also a highlight for her. She crawls into her kid trailer, has a little stack of books, gets strapped in and sits back to enjoy the ride. The other day she actually fell asleep during our ride. Apparently the trailer is comfy.
I've started working with Lili's on her speech. She still tends to cut off the beginning or end of words. While I can understand what she says, others have a very difficult time understanding and she is getting more and more frustrated. Last night we had pizza for dinner, which she calls 'za.' Who else would know what 'za' is? It took a couple times of me saying "p p p pizza" and she repeated 'piza.' A couple days ago we worked on the color purple, which was 'ple.' Now it's 'puple.' I don't know that she's really behind in her speech, but I just remember our youngest son talking up a storm by this age and being able to understand the majority of what he said. Granted, he had an older brother, was in daycare, and quite honestly was probably a bit advanced in talking. At 20 he's still advanced at talking (those who know him are laughing). For those who don't know him, lets just say he likes to talk. LOL!!!! But I digress. I do think Lili is doing okay with her speech, but since she obviously gets frustrated when someone doesn't understand her, I decided it was time to put more effort into helping her with her speech.
Lili also likes to try to count. We hear 9, 10 quite often and sometimes 2, 3, but she's figuring it out.
We're working more on colors. Blue seems to be the favorite and the easiest for her to say.
Lili likes to try to walk Jada. Of course I only let her walk her on leash inside the house and I'm not sure Jada appreciates it, but Lili thinks she's big stuff. Someday I'll have to get a picture.
Stacking blocks, Play-Doh cans, or anything else stackable is now great fun in our house.
We've also discovered that Lili's favorite music is anything with a strong drum beat. She especially likes drum solos. Hum, is it possible that we have a future Sheila E in our house?!!!! Dave actually discovered Lili's love of drums by playing Guitar Hero. Several nights a week after dinner, Dave will play guitar hero. He has his game guitar and Lili gets her play guitar so she can play along. She would get much more excited about the songs with a lot of drumming and can't seem to stop herself from dancing along. It's very cute! The other things she thinks is fun now is to throw her guitar on the ground like the characters on Guitar Hero. Cute, but a bit annoying when it hits the wood floor.
I could go on and on about Lili, but this post is already long and I still need to post photos, so I'll talk about her more another time.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend!!! Now onto the photos.
Aunt Susan bought these little overalls for Lili and when I was cleaning out her closet a couple weeks ago I pulled them out and put them on her thinking they would still be too big. No, they fit her perfectly.
Yes, the picture is crooked and no, I wasn't trying to be creative. I was trying to take the picture while telling her to stand still though.
And, she's off.
Moving again. Ooooo, you can't catch me!!!Yes, I was playing with my camera settings again and Lili was obviously ready to go. Thus, the blurry photo and serious look! However, I still think the picture is adorable.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
We're Back on Track
After two phones calls with our agency, an email to our social worker, and an email to USCIS in Chicago, everything is back on track. We are not making any changes and USCIS confirmed that they will continue processing our 171H based on our current home study, so we will be approved for an infant 0-12 months of age. This doesn't necessarily mean that we won't need to make a change in the future though. If we are referred a young infant (at this point an infant 6 months or younger), we don't need to do anything. Over 6 months old, we'll probably need to make changes to our home study and USCIS approval. However, this means we won't have any more delays in getting our dossier submitted. Now we are back to just waiting on our 171H and as soon as it arrives, everything can be sent to our agency and will soon after be on its way to Ethiopia and we'll be officially on the wait list for a baby girl.
I'm sure everyone could hear my huge sigh of relief when I got the email from USCIS this afternoon!!!!
I'm sure everyone could hear my huge sigh of relief when I got the email from USCIS this afternoon!!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
It Shouldn't Be This Difficult
Just over 6 months ago we submitted our home study application and 4 weeks ago our home study was finally submitted to USCIS. We have been anxiously awaiting our 171H, which is the last document we need to submit our dossier and begin our wait for Naomi.
In the meantime, I submitted a copy of our dossier documents to our agency coordinator to review. As she reviewed them she realized that due to increasing time lines after referral, a change was probably going to need to be made to our home study. Basically, when USCIS receives the home study one piece of information they are looking for is the age of the child we want to adopt. The age range of the child we are requesting is reflected on our 171H (USICS approval). Our home study requests an infant 0-12 months. However, this age range may not be adequate. If, for example, we receive the referral of a 6 month old infant and at the time of our Embassy appointment in Ethiopia she is 12 months and 1 day old, our 171H will not be acceptable because the age range only goes to 12 months. Our coordinator suggests that we increase the age range to 24 months just to be safe.
I didn't think this was going to be a big deal so I emailed our social worker to let her know we were going to need to make a change and this morning I get a response saying, "this is a bit more involved than one might think." In a nutshell, we start over again. She re-writes the home study, gets the IL required endorsement from DCFS and then sends it on to USCIS. She verified this information by contacting USCIS, who has now been put on notice that we're making a change so the last 4 weeks of waiting for our 171H has been wasted time. Instead of getting our 171H based on our current home study, submitting our dossier and then making the necessary age change, we will be waiting another 1, 2, 3, or 4 months to get all of this taken care of.
Here is a comparison of time lines
Lili's adoption - Just before the 3 month mark, our home study was complete and on its way to USCIS
Naomi's adoption - Just after the 3 month mark, I'm getting my fingerprints done again and still waiting on our home study
Lili's adoption - At 4 months and 1 week, our dossier was on its way to our agency
Naomi's adoption - At 4 months and 1 week, we're waiting for our completed home study
Lili's adoption - At 5 months and 1 week, we receive our referral
Naomi's adoption - At 5 months and 1 week, our home study is done, we have our DCFS endorsement letter and everything is on its way to USCIS
Lili's adoption - 7 months and our case has entered Family Court
Naomi's adoption - We are about 3 weeks away from the 7 month mark and I have no idea where we will be at that point.
Lili's adoption - 14 months - We're bringing Lili home
Naomi's adoption - Who knows!
Am I frustrated? Absolutely!!!!! This is taking much longer than Lili's adoption and that is a frustration.
When I started this blog I did so for the primary purpose of keeping friends and family up-to-date on our adoption and to share a little about our lives. However, the other benefit of blogging is that it allows me to have a record of what has happened at each stage of this journey. I wish all stages were positive steps forward, but that just isn't always the case.
One day in the future, I'll go back to read about the journey that brought our children to us and probably won't remember the frustration that I feel at this moment, but that day can't come soon enough at this point in time.
In the meantime, I submitted a copy of our dossier documents to our agency coordinator to review. As she reviewed them she realized that due to increasing time lines after referral, a change was probably going to need to be made to our home study. Basically, when USCIS receives the home study one piece of information they are looking for is the age of the child we want to adopt. The age range of the child we are requesting is reflected on our 171H (USICS approval). Our home study requests an infant 0-12 months. However, this age range may not be adequate. If, for example, we receive the referral of a 6 month old infant and at the time of our Embassy appointment in Ethiopia she is 12 months and 1 day old, our 171H will not be acceptable because the age range only goes to 12 months. Our coordinator suggests that we increase the age range to 24 months just to be safe.
I didn't think this was going to be a big deal so I emailed our social worker to let her know we were going to need to make a change and this morning I get a response saying, "this is a bit more involved than one might think." In a nutshell, we start over again. She re-writes the home study, gets the IL required endorsement from DCFS and then sends it on to USCIS. She verified this information by contacting USCIS, who has now been put on notice that we're making a change so the last 4 weeks of waiting for our 171H has been wasted time. Instead of getting our 171H based on our current home study, submitting our dossier and then making the necessary age change, we will be waiting another 1, 2, 3, or 4 months to get all of this taken care of.
Here is a comparison of time lines
Lili's adoption - Just before the 3 month mark, our home study was complete and on its way to USCIS
Naomi's adoption - Just after the 3 month mark, I'm getting my fingerprints done again and still waiting on our home study
Lili's adoption - At 4 months and 1 week, our dossier was on its way to our agency
Naomi's adoption - At 4 months and 1 week, we're waiting for our completed home study
Lili's adoption - At 5 months and 1 week, we receive our referral
Naomi's adoption - At 5 months and 1 week, our home study is done, we have our DCFS endorsement letter and everything is on its way to USCIS
Lili's adoption - 7 months and our case has entered Family Court
Naomi's adoption - We are about 3 weeks away from the 7 month mark and I have no idea where we will be at that point.
Lili's adoption - 14 months - We're bringing Lili home
Naomi's adoption - Who knows!
Am I frustrated? Absolutely!!!!! This is taking much longer than Lili's adoption and that is a frustration.
When I started this blog I did so for the primary purpose of keeping friends and family up-to-date on our adoption and to share a little about our lives. However, the other benefit of blogging is that it allows me to have a record of what has happened at each stage of this journey. I wish all stages were positive steps forward, but that just isn't always the case.
One day in the future, I'll go back to read about the journey that brought our children to us and probably won't remember the frustration that I feel at this moment, but that day can't come soon enough at this point in time.
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Adoption World is Never Boring
It seems like any time a celebrity decides to adopt a child, it becomes national news and the bigger the celebrity status, the bigger the story.
Madonna's name and face was everywhere a few years ago when she adopted a little boy from Malawi and she made the news again last week when the announcement was made that she was back in Malawi to adopt a little girl. However, this time it didn't go as well as her first adoption. The courts ruled against her adoption.
What this kind of news tends to do is open another 'can of worms' regarding International adoption and unfortunately it tends to bring out the worst in some people. Everyone has their opinion on adoption in general and even more seem to have an opinion on International adoption regardless if they have adopted or not. But while everyone is arguing for and against adoption in Malawi, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Russia, Vietnam, China, etc., etc., etc. there are children in this world who are suffering from malnutrition and disease and many children are not surviving. Other children live in orphanages. Some of these children have families that are not able to care for them and some of these children have lost parents. Some of these children will find forever families outside the orphanage walls and others will not. That is the reality, plain and simple.
One of the best books I've read in a very long time is "There Is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene. She was recently interviewed about Madonna's Malawi adoption and I was thrilled to read her opinion on this tough topic.
Instead of just providing the link, I'm also attaching the interview.
Malawi's decision to reject pop star Madonna's adoption of a local child has reignited global debate about the ethics of international adoption.
Author Melissa Fay Greene poses with her family, which includes biological and adopted children.
Some international aid groups have praised the decision as best for the child, a 4-year-old girl named Chifundo James.
"I think it really highlights the bigger picture that there are so many children living in poverty in Malawi, and while Madonna has good intentions ... children would be better off staying in their own communities whenever possible," said Karen Hansen-Kuhn, policy director for ActionAid USA, a development group that also works in Malawi.
"We really need to stay focused on the needs of Malawi and of all the children there," she added.
To get another perspective on the situation, CNN also talked with Melissa Fay Greene, an author and mother of five adopted children.
Greene, who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, is the mother of four biological children, four children adopted from Ethiopia and one adopted child from Bulgaria.
The following is an edited transcript of that conversation:
CNN: What's your initial reaction to the news that Madonna's adoption of a Malawian child has been rejected?
Greene: Surprise. ... It was awfully tricky with Madonna's first adoption, when the child turned out to have devoted family members nearby. [The singer's adoption of a Malawian boy was finalized last year.] And if that's true with this child also, it seems a similar sticky situation.
That's not the situation for the majority of orphanage children around the world, who don't have caring grandparents or aunts and uncles a short walk or bike ride away.
I think it gives people an odd perspective on what international adoption can mean for children who don't have any support network outside the walls of an orphanage.
You often hear attacks on international adoption as robbing a child of his or her culture, and that's both true and false. It's true that an internationally adopted child loses the rich background of history and religion and culture and language that the child was born into, but the cruel fact is that most children don't have access to the local, beautiful culture within an orphanage. ...
There's a culture in orphanages that children are eager to escape from, and it's a culture of being reared as a group and not being doted upon by parents. For any child, that's the bottom line. The fact is that a human child wants that mommy or daddy or both. We're just wired to want that and to need that. And there's no way an institutional setting can give a human baby what the child needs. It's impossible. So you have to balance priorities. ...
I think what some of the human rights group say is absolutely accurate: that international adoption does not begin to solve the problems of the world's orphaned children. It's truly not the answer. ...
At the same time, international adoption, even though it doesn't solve the whole problem, it solves a problem for a few. I think it can be a brilliant solution to the problem of adults wanting a child in their lives or wanting more children in their lives and the problem of children who want parents in their lives.
CNN: How is it different for a celebrity person seeking an [international] adoption than for yourself?
Greene: We don't jet in, take a child and fly out with a child. For an average citizen trying to adopt, it takes most of a year. First of all, you work with a country that already has international adoption regulations in place, so you have a bureaucracy dealing with international adoption. A big part of that is determining that the child is a true orphan, that there is no one who can care for the child. And in the case of our older kids' adoptions, people had to come to court to testify that there was no one to take the children. So you don't run the risk of 'Oh, whoops, there's a grandmother down the street.' ...
CNN: There's been some chatter today online questioning why a person wouldn't adopt an orphaned child from their own country.
Greene: Within the adoption world, it's a non-issue. There are children all over the world who need families, and some find their children in Philadelphia, and some find their children in Bulgaria, you know? ...
It's just outsiders who look on and judge disapprovingly, but then they don't go on to adopt the neighborhood children, right? ... There are many children who need help, and anyone who wants to reach out and adopt a child from foster care or from a Russian orphanage should reach out and do it.
CNN: What has the experience been like for your own foster children?
Greene: We're a white Jewish family in Atlanta, but Atlanta is a major city for eastern African immigrants. So our children are in touch with the Ethiopian diaspora, and they feel very much a part of that. Atlanta is full of Ethiopian restaurants, markets, festivals. For a while, my kids were playing on weekends with an Ethiopian soccer league. I have an Ethiopian baby sitter who speaks to them only in Amharic so they won't lose their language, and we always have Ethiopian food here.
Two years ago, we went back to Ethiopia with the kids and had a big reunion for one of my sons and his extended family ... We just consider ourselves sort of part of this amazing bicontinental family.
CNN: The first time you adopted internationally, can you tell me what your ethical considerations were and how you worked through that personally?
Greene: Our first adoption was of a boy in rural Bulgaria. An incredibly poor orphanage. The kids were hungry, thirsty, no education. I first met our son, Jesse, when he was 4. He was 4 years old, and he did not know what his own name was ...
When he first came, he was just so anxious about food. When he would wake up, he was just shaking, wondering if there was going to be enough food. So I started waking him up with food.
He had issues with water. He wasn't sure if there was going to be enough water to drink, so I bought him a little canteen so he could wear his water all of the time.
Do I have ethical issues about taking him out of that orphanage? I don't.
CNN: Is there anything else you wanted to add?
Greene: I admire Madonna. And I don't understand why everyone attacks Madonna. I think that she is in part trying to raise the world's consciousness about the African orphan crisis.
You know, 95 percent of the children orphaned by AIDS [globally] are in sub-Saharan Africa. You don't hear world leaders talking about it. Where is the global outrage? ...
So, into the breach steps a celebrity. But don't attack her for it, you know. Maybe her methods are not what ours would be, but how many of us are Madonna? But at least she is out there; she's creating a school.
Obviously, she's fallen in love with the Malawian children to such an extent she wants to make some of them her own. And I think that it's great. I just don't understand why the world's attacking her. Let other people step forth and do something. At least she's trying. That's my feeling.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/04/03/madonna.reaction.adoption.malawi/index.html
Madonna's name and face was everywhere a few years ago when she adopted a little boy from Malawi and she made the news again last week when the announcement was made that she was back in Malawi to adopt a little girl. However, this time it didn't go as well as her first adoption. The courts ruled against her adoption.
What this kind of news tends to do is open another 'can of worms' regarding International adoption and unfortunately it tends to bring out the worst in some people. Everyone has their opinion on adoption in general and even more seem to have an opinion on International adoption regardless if they have adopted or not. But while everyone is arguing for and against adoption in Malawi, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Russia, Vietnam, China, etc., etc., etc. there are children in this world who are suffering from malnutrition and disease and many children are not surviving. Other children live in orphanages. Some of these children have families that are not able to care for them and some of these children have lost parents. Some of these children will find forever families outside the orphanage walls and others will not. That is the reality, plain and simple.
One of the best books I've read in a very long time is "There Is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene. She was recently interviewed about Madonna's Malawi adoption and I was thrilled to read her opinion on this tough topic.
Instead of just providing the link, I'm also attaching the interview.
Malawi's decision to reject pop star Madonna's adoption of a local child has reignited global debate about the ethics of international adoption.
Author Melissa Fay Greene poses with her family, which includes biological and adopted children.
Some international aid groups have praised the decision as best for the child, a 4-year-old girl named Chifundo James.
"I think it really highlights the bigger picture that there are so many children living in poverty in Malawi, and while Madonna has good intentions ... children would be better off staying in their own communities whenever possible," said Karen Hansen-Kuhn, policy director for ActionAid USA, a development group that also works in Malawi.
"We really need to stay focused on the needs of Malawi and of all the children there," she added.
To get another perspective on the situation, CNN also talked with Melissa Fay Greene, an author and mother of five adopted children.
Greene, who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, is the mother of four biological children, four children adopted from Ethiopia and one adopted child from Bulgaria.
The following is an edited transcript of that conversation:
CNN: What's your initial reaction to the news that Madonna's adoption of a Malawian child has been rejected?
Greene: Surprise. ... It was awfully tricky with Madonna's first adoption, when the child turned out to have devoted family members nearby. [The singer's adoption of a Malawian boy was finalized last year.] And if that's true with this child also, it seems a similar sticky situation.
That's not the situation for the majority of orphanage children around the world, who don't have caring grandparents or aunts and uncles a short walk or bike ride away.
I think it gives people an odd perspective on what international adoption can mean for children who don't have any support network outside the walls of an orphanage.
You often hear attacks on international adoption as robbing a child of his or her culture, and that's both true and false. It's true that an internationally adopted child loses the rich background of history and religion and culture and language that the child was born into, but the cruel fact is that most children don't have access to the local, beautiful culture within an orphanage. ...
There's a culture in orphanages that children are eager to escape from, and it's a culture of being reared as a group and not being doted upon by parents. For any child, that's the bottom line. The fact is that a human child wants that mommy or daddy or both. We're just wired to want that and to need that. And there's no way an institutional setting can give a human baby what the child needs. It's impossible. So you have to balance priorities. ...
I think what some of the human rights group say is absolutely accurate: that international adoption does not begin to solve the problems of the world's orphaned children. It's truly not the answer. ...
At the same time, international adoption, even though it doesn't solve the whole problem, it solves a problem for a few. I think it can be a brilliant solution to the problem of adults wanting a child in their lives or wanting more children in their lives and the problem of children who want parents in their lives.
CNN: How is it different for a celebrity person seeking an [international] adoption than for yourself?
Greene: We don't jet in, take a child and fly out with a child. For an average citizen trying to adopt, it takes most of a year. First of all, you work with a country that already has international adoption regulations in place, so you have a bureaucracy dealing with international adoption. A big part of that is determining that the child is a true orphan, that there is no one who can care for the child. And in the case of our older kids' adoptions, people had to come to court to testify that there was no one to take the children. So you don't run the risk of 'Oh, whoops, there's a grandmother down the street.' ...
CNN: There's been some chatter today online questioning why a person wouldn't adopt an orphaned child from their own country.
Greene: Within the adoption world, it's a non-issue. There are children all over the world who need families, and some find their children in Philadelphia, and some find their children in Bulgaria, you know? ...
It's just outsiders who look on and judge disapprovingly, but then they don't go on to adopt the neighborhood children, right? ... There are many children who need help, and anyone who wants to reach out and adopt a child from foster care or from a Russian orphanage should reach out and do it.
CNN: What has the experience been like for your own foster children?
Greene: We're a white Jewish family in Atlanta, but Atlanta is a major city for eastern African immigrants. So our children are in touch with the Ethiopian diaspora, and they feel very much a part of that. Atlanta is full of Ethiopian restaurants, markets, festivals. For a while, my kids were playing on weekends with an Ethiopian soccer league. I have an Ethiopian baby sitter who speaks to them only in Amharic so they won't lose their language, and we always have Ethiopian food here.
Two years ago, we went back to Ethiopia with the kids and had a big reunion for one of my sons and his extended family ... We just consider ourselves sort of part of this amazing bicontinental family.
CNN: The first time you adopted internationally, can you tell me what your ethical considerations were and how you worked through that personally?
Greene: Our first adoption was of a boy in rural Bulgaria. An incredibly poor orphanage. The kids were hungry, thirsty, no education. I first met our son, Jesse, when he was 4. He was 4 years old, and he did not know what his own name was ...
When he first came, he was just so anxious about food. When he would wake up, he was just shaking, wondering if there was going to be enough food. So I started waking him up with food.
He had issues with water. He wasn't sure if there was going to be enough water to drink, so I bought him a little canteen so he could wear his water all of the time.
Do I have ethical issues about taking him out of that orphanage? I don't.
CNN: Is there anything else you wanted to add?
Greene: I admire Madonna. And I don't understand why everyone attacks Madonna. I think that she is in part trying to raise the world's consciousness about the African orphan crisis.
You know, 95 percent of the children orphaned by AIDS [globally] are in sub-Saharan Africa. You don't hear world leaders talking about it. Where is the global outrage? ...
So, into the breach steps a celebrity. But don't attack her for it, you know. Maybe her methods are not what ours would be, but how many of us are Madonna? But at least she is out there; she's creating a school.
Obviously, she's fallen in love with the Malawian children to such an extent she wants to make some of them her own. And I think that it's great. I just don't understand why the world's attacking her. Let other people step forth and do something. At least she's trying. That's my feeling.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/04/03/madonna.reaction.adoption.malawi/index.html
Friday, April 3, 2009
FFF - New Mode of Transportation
Take a look at how Lili and I get around town now . . . .
I can't wait until the day I take her out for a trip around town and my legs don't 'feel the burn.' LOL!!!!
**Edit**
You can't really tell from the photo, but the kid trailer fits two kids. Hopefully pulling Lili around town will be easier before Noami arrives and I'm pulling two around town :-)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Suspicious Request
Guatadopt posted this on their website recently and I want to make sure all my blog friends who have adopted from Guatemala get the information.
Dear Families,
It has come to our attention that some families with children who have already been in the US for well over a year are being told by their attorneys that the CNA needs to "reveiw their case" and to submit a photocopy of their child's US Cerificate of Citizenship or their families US Passports to present to the CNA.
We are in communication with our sources and with the CNA. They have denied that any such requests have been made by them. It is a highly unusual request for children who are back in the US and it is not relavent to verification of adoption.
Please be advised that the US Certificate of Citizenship SHOULD NOT be photocopied.
Furthermore, we (Guatadopt) are a little concerned about the intent for these photocopied documents.
We will post any further developments.
The Guat Team
Dear Families,
It has come to our attention that some families with children who have already been in the US for well over a year are being told by their attorneys that the CNA needs to "reveiw their case" and to submit a photocopy of their child's US Cerificate of Citizenship or their families US Passports to present to the CNA.
We are in communication with our sources and with the CNA. They have denied that any such requests have been made by them. It is a highly unusual request for children who are back in the US and it is not relavent to verification of adoption.
Please be advised that the US Certificate of Citizenship SHOULD NOT be photocopied.
Furthermore, we (Guatadopt) are a little concerned about the intent for these photocopied documents.
We will post any further developments.
The Guat Team
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