Friday, October 30, 2009

How To Enjoy a Rainy Afternoon

Lili and I decided to make cupcakes this afternoon. First she helped mix the batter and then she put the paper baking cups in the pan and then she helped put the batter into the baking cups. This is the point in which the camera came out.

Just look at the skill and precision used in filling the baking cups.

She's got the process down pat. Scoop some batter . . .

Pour it in the baking cups.

Okay, skill and precision went a little downhill. Still, not too bad for a 2 year old.

She finished filling the baking cups and mommy put them in the oven to bake.
After they had cooled we proceeded on to the next step - ICING!!! Mmmmmm!!!!!

Such concentration.

Actually, icing the cupcakes proved to be a bit of a challenge so mommy took over. Mommy decided it would be best to have cupcakes that were still intact by the time they were done :-) However, putting the hard sugary candy decorations on top was right up her alley.

And of course licking the icing off the cupcake and eating the candy was right up her alley too.

Mommy finished icing the rest of the cupcakes, Lili put on the decorations and here is the finished product.

What a fun filled way to spend a rainy Halloween Eve.

Yummy Ribs

I tried another new crock pot recipe yesterday and will be making this one again. Lili actually asked for more chicken 3 times. She thinks all meat is chicken, but when I corrected her and told her it was beef she asked for more beep (that's not a typo - she actually asked for more beep). I just love hearing her say new words.

Crock Pot Korean Ribs

1 pkg beef or pork short ribs (I used country style beef ribs)
1 c soy sauce
1 c brown sugar
5 whole jalapeno peppers
1/2 c water

Place ribs in bottom of crock pot (mine were just pulled from the freezer and put frozen in crock pot).

Add soy sauce, brown sugar, jalapeno peppers and water.

Cover and slow cook on low for 8-9 hours. If the meat is fresh they should be done in 7-8 hours.

This is good served with rice and a vegetable.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pictures and Information

A quick update on Ryan . . .

He's still in the hospital and as of 5:15 this afternoon he has been seizure free since 9:20 this morning. They are giving him loading doses of 3 seizure meds to control the seizure activity, but it's necessary at this point.

I was also able to speak to the neurologist this afternoon and discuss Ryan's history. Once they feel his seizures are under control, we'll be looking at making some long term med changes. Med changes are scary, but it's necessary to try at this point.

The last several posts have been about Ryan or our fundraiser. Okay, I did share a little about my reunion with my high school best friend, but for the most part my posts haven't necessarily been exciting and at times depressing. In an effort to make this one exciting I'll talk a little about Lili and then share some recent photos. After all, what's more exciting than my Lili and photos :-)

Lili will officially be 2 1/2 years old on Friday so I thought it would be good to share some facts about Lili.

- She continues to expand her vocabulary on pretty much a daily basis.
- She is learning new things at lightening speed.
- She is gifted when it comes to having a temper tantrum.
- She loves to help with things i.e. cooking, cleaning, feeding the dogs, etc.
- She knows all her colors
- She is potty trained, although that's really old news now since she's been potty trained for 3 months.
- She loves anything Dora.
- She loves to dance.
- She loves music.
- She isn't so much into dolls, but she does enjoy playing mommy to some of her stuffed animals. (Maybe a future vet?)
- She has really good vocal cords and likes to prove that with a loud high-pitched scream.
- She loves books and sits very patiently through books with somewhat wordy pages.
- She can count to 13 in English with very little assistance.
- She can also count to 10 in Spanish with very little assistance.
- She is a bit picky about food. Fruits - good Meats - good Veggies - Not so good
Breads - Not so good Dairy - good
- She loves art. Especially if the art includes crayons, markers, paint, or play-doh.
- She likes to build things with block or lock blocks (large Lego's).
- She very much enjoys playing outside and especially enjoys going to the park.
- She likes attention and will often say, "Watch me."
- She has problems pronouncing her R's and L's. As a result when you ask her what her name is she will tell you "Yiyi."
- She not only knows her name, but will also tell you her age.
- She enjoys having her pictures taken and will run up to me saying "Picture. Cheese." This is followed by a big cheesy smile. Want proof?

Modeling her first attempt at tattoo art.


Apple smile!


Just being crazy cute!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Good and the Bad

I'm sure most of you had that one friend in high school that was absolutely your best friend. You know, the one you were joined with at the hip? I had such a friend and my life, however, we took very different paths and lost contact with each other. That was until recently when my best friend from high school found my sister on Facebook and as a result found me. We live in different states now - I'm in Illinois and she's in Arkansas - but Facebook has offered us an opportunity to catch up. That is until today. Today, we were able to catch up in person. She came back to Illinois for a visit and we went to lunch. For a matter-of-fact, we had a 3 1/2 hour lunch. What I haven't shared so far is that we lost contact just over 30 years ago. Honestly, it's impossible to catch up on 30 years in just 3 1/2 hours, but we gave it a good shot. It was amazing and I'm so grateful to have her back in my life.

My reason for cutting our lunch to only 3 1/2 hours is that I wanted to go visit Ryan at the hospital. My poor baby is having seizures yet again. He's had somewhere around 30 seizures since yesterday morning. He actually had 3 seizures while I was visiting him. The neurologist has added another seizure med to his diet and by the time I left the hospital he had gone 1 hour and 20 minutes without a seizure, which I believe broke his record for the day.

Considering all the seizure activity, he's actually doing pretty well. He's alert and follows direction pretty well. He's moving slow, but the fact that he's moving at all is amazing. Now we work on getting his seizures under control and finding the right combination of medicines to keep them under control. That seems to be an uphill battle.

Why Private?

There are many good reasons for going private on my blog.

- I've heard stories from families who have had pictures of their children pulled from their blogs and used for other things. I just don't know who might come across my blog one day and decide to start stealing pictures or information.

- There has been discussion about the Ethiopian authorities concern over information posted on blogs about Ethiopia and the children in Ethiopia. I don't want to post something that I consider to be informative and have someone in Ethiopia read it and become offended.

- I use my blog to communicate information about our adoption and have recently communicated information about fundraising. There have been reports that the Ethiopian authorities have read this type of information on other family's blogs and as a result have denied their adoptions. That's not something I want to risk doing.

The fact is, a public blog is just that, public. Anyone with access to the Internet has had the ability to access my blog. Since I have considered going private many times over the last 1-2 years, I decided it was time to make the change. There is just too much at risk not too.

Going Private

Although it's not my first choice, I've decided to make my blog private. I've thought about it off and on for awhile and once it's private I'll give more explanation.

If you want an invite, please let me know.

Thanks.

Monday, October 26, 2009

What a Day **Updated**

I was so excited at the start of my day. We received word that our Just Love Coffee Roasters storefront was open so we could begin our "Bring Naomi Home" fundraiser. I was thrilled to have that going and spent some time trying to get the word out to everyone I could think of. Then late this morning I got a call that Ryan was having seizures again. My heart sank. From what the nurse at the agency told me, they weren't bad (not that any seizure is good), but what they were seeing wasn't major seizure activity and she would keep me posted. A couple hours later she called back to tell me that they were transporting him back to the hospital. My heart sank yet again. At this point we don't know if he is being admitted back into the hospital. He actually walked out to the ambulance so it seems strange that he would be going at all, but the agency felt it was necessary.

I'll post more as I have more information to share, so please check back.

**Update**
Ryan is being admitted back into the hospital. Did you hear the heavy sigh when I found out?

Let the Fundraising Begin

Our Just Love Coffee storefront is now open and ready for business.

For those just checking in, please visit my October 22nd post for more detail.

And for those who will be participating in our "Bring Naomi Home" fundraiser - THANK YOU!!!!!

Enjoy your coffee!!!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ryan News

Today we went to see Ryan, this time at his house and not at the hospital. It was a nice change of pace from the last couple of weeks. He's moving a little slow, is shaky and still a bit off-balance, but in comparison to how he was while in the hospital, this is a big improvement. We're hoping that over the next week we'll see more recovery from all the seizures and his hospital stay. In the meantime, we're very pleased to see him doing as well as he is.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Really Quick Post

Ryan is home!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Best Laid Plans

The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray.

Of all the books I read in English literature in high school, this one stuck with me the most. In life we try to lay out the best plan to reach our goals, but sometimes things just get in the way of that happening. Those obstacles are difficult; at times embarrassing; and sometimes seemingly impossible to cross. Unfortunately, we find ourselves facing some huge obstacles right now on many levels, but one in particular has us especially concerned.

Despite our attempts to create a sound financial plan for Naomi's adoption, things have gone astray. We did not have to ask for help with Lili's adoption and while we knew Naomi's adoption was going to take some financial creativity on our part, we truly felt that we would have all the funds necessary to bring her adoption to completion. A few weeks ago we realized that our plan was crumbling and we needed to find an alternate way of putting the necessary funds in place. After discussing and researching several other options, we decided that fundraising was probably the best option for us. It is also a very common option for many adoptive families. Unlike having children biologically with the financial assistance of health insurance or even state assistance in some instances, adoptive families don't have an insurance policy in which they can file a claim for financial help. Instead, we rely on our own resources to grow our families and provide children with the love and home they so desperately need and deserve.

Although we are still discussing some ideas for fundraising, there is one that we have found particularly intriguing. It was started by a couple who are adoptive parents of two girls from Ethiopia. This couple returned from Ethiopia with a desire to help Ethiopia, her children and other families who want to adopt but need financial assistance to do so. From their desires to help, Just Love Coffee Roasters was born. They have been working tirelessly to put everything in place and will be launching this new program very soon. I'm happy to say that we will be one of the families participating in the fundraising portion of this program.

How it will work is pretty simple. Just Love Coffee Roasters will create a website just for us. They will give us a link to our own personal store front and we will share that link with everyone we know. Every time someone makes a purchase from our store, $5 will go into our adoption account. We can continue running our store for 1 year, until we have raised the necessary funds, or until Naomi comes home, whichever is first. At that time, our store will be closed and another family is then eligible to participate in this fundraising program. They only have a limited number of spaces available for fundraisers, so the sooner we can raise the funds necessary to complete our adoption, the sooner we can close our store and allow another family to begin their adoption fundraising efforts.

All the coffees from Just Love Coffee Roasters are 100% Fair Trade coffees supporting farmers in Ethiopia, Guatemala, Rwanda and other countries in Africa and Central America. So your purchase through our store will not only assist us in meeting our fundraising goals to complete our adoption, but will also be assisting farmers in these countries and of course allowing you to enjoy a fresh cup of coffee every morning!!!!

Please keep watching for the 'Grand Opening' of our store, which we hope will take place this Monday, October 26th.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

In Need of a Good News Post *Correction*

Ryan is still in the hospital, so that's not the good news.

Today I thought I'd focus on some adoption good news. I can't share any details yet, because I don't have them, but my good cyber friend Mel got her referral call today. Yay!!!!!!!!!! She and her husband are also a Toukoul family and they received the call on Day 145 of their wait. If I remember correctly, they were open to either gender and also open to minor special needs. I can't wait to get more detail.

*Correction*
Mel and her husband requested a girl up to 18 months of age with or without minor or correctable special needs. They received the referral of a healthy infant girl.

That's 3 referrals from Toukoul in the last 1 1/2 weeks.

And for those who are interested, today is Day 139 of our wait to referral. Before anyone gets too excited, we specifically requested an infant girl. Because of that request, it's unlikely that we'll receive our referral on Day 145. However, we really are starting to get close now :-)

If you'd like to make a prediction on when our referral will happen, please leave a comment. It will be fun to go back and see who got it right.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Not Posting About This Again

Last week I posted that Ryan was leaving the hospital and just as he was getting ready to leave he had a seizure, which lead to more seizures, which kept him in the hospital for another week. Today, I posted that Ryan is leaving the hospital and a few minutes late received a call that he had a seizure and they're not releasing him today.

Until he's out of the hospital and back home, I'm not posting news of Ryan being released. Apparently, my blog posts jinx his release.

I have a headache and think I'll take something for it now.

Today?

Yes, today! At 3:30 this afternoon Ryan is leaving the hospital. Granted, about this time last week I was posting the same news and he decided to have seizures which kept him in the hospital another week. However, he has been seizure free since Friday, is on new medication and has improved every day. I'm hopeful that this time he'll actually make it all the way home :-)

Thanks to everyone who left such thoughtful comments and emailed us over the last 1 1/2 weeks. Now I hope to move on to other happy subjects, like adoption.

Monday, October 19, 2009

No, Not Today

Ryan is still in the hospital. They finally took him off iv meds and are giving him everything orally. He's eating and the best news is that he has been seizure free since last Friday. If all goes well today, we hope the doctor will sign off and let him go home tomorrow.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Our Annual Orchard Trip

Today we braved the cold (mid to upper 40's) and headed out to the orchard. This was the 2nd year that Lili and I went and the 1st visit for Dave. We met up with a couple other adoptive families and had a wonderful time. Lili went on her first pony ride,
jumped on one of the inflatables, and picked out pumpkins. We also took a hay-rack-ride, minus the hay. I neglected to take any pictures during the ride though. We came home with pumpkins, kettle popcorn, caramel corn, apple salsa, apples, and apple donuts. Despite the cold temps and cold wind, we had a great time and I think it will become an annual event.
By-the-way, I don't think we'll be purchasing apple salsa in the future.
After the orchard we grabbed some lunch and headed to the hospital to visit Ryan. He has been moved from ICU to the ICU step down unit. He is certainly doing better but wasn't eating. Between having new staff he doesn't know and the staff ordering food he doesn't like, eating was a problem. I ordered him food while I was there and once it arrived he took no time finishing it off. Within a 1/2 hour of eating, he was sound asleep so we headed home. It was really good to see some of the old Ryan coming back.

Friday, October 16, 2009

More On Ryan

First of all, thank you to everyone who has left comments or sent emails about Ryan. It is really nice to have such caring people in my life and the concern you've shown means a lot.

Ryan is doing much better today. He is still in ICU where they can monitor him more closely, but unlike Wednesday night and yesterday, he has rarely been in bed. He is up, mingling with staff, eating, still not drinking much, taking his pills orally, smiling and generally doing so much better. He did have one focal seizure this morning at 11:30, but hasn't had any since. He also went all night and the majority of the morning seizure free, so he is definitely making progress. If he continues to do well throughout the night and tomorrow morning, they will probably move him to a step down unit.

Dave did meet with the neurologist last night and she told him that the absolute earliest he will be released is Sunday, but more likely it will be Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, he just needs to continue progressing like he has today. If he does then maybe, just maybe, they'll let him go home this weekend. We can always hope!

Congratulations Are in Order

I wanted to send out a big congratulations to my friend Cammie and her husband Greg. Yesterday little Cooper made his world debut. I'm so happy for them and can't wait to meet the newest family member.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Okay News

After almost a full week in the hospital, I was finally able to speak with Ryan's resident neurologist. Of course you would think that having a non-verbal patient would prompt a physician to contact his parents for information, but I'm not going to dwell on that little detail. I'm also not going to dwell on the fact that the only reason she called was because my attempts to communicate with the doctor yesterday didn't produce results, so I demanded that the neurologist meet my husband at the hospital this afternoon. Apparently that was enough to make her pick up the phone and dial my number. I'm not dwelling on that though.

The conversation was quick but to the point. I gave her a brief history on Ryan, the meds he's been on, his success (or lack thereof) on one of his current meds, etc. It was then decided that he needed to come off the med that is very apparently 'not working' and will go back on a previous med that 'was working.' Please understand, that he was taken off this previous med because his neurologist at the time was concerned that Ryan was having different types of seizures and this medication would actually aggravate once of those seizures. Got to love the way meds work. However, at the same time he removed him from yet another seizure med that we knew was causing some serious behavior problems. Hind-sight is 20/20 and I now wish I would have pushed for removing one med at a time. However, what he was saying made sense at that moment, so we went for it. Lesson learned.

We hope that the med change is met with great success, although at this point we'll accept good success.

Unfortunately, Ryan did have a series of seizures during the night. The gave him a loading dose of medication and was seizure free until he had a mild focal seizure this afternoon. Unfortunately, all his seizure activity landed him in ICU. Not because they consider his condition to be critical or even serious at this point, but strictly because he needed a level of monitoring that would be better served in ICU. Dave is with him now and tells me that he's doing pretty well. He's back to not eating or drinking anything, so Dave ordered him some food and was going to try to get something down him before he leaves later this evening.

Ryan will not be released from the hospital until a few things happen.

1. The seizures have to stop. That one is obvious.
2. He needs to be eating and drinking on his own.
3. He needs to be taking his meds orally.

Now we wait.

**UPDATE**
Dave was able to get Ryan to eat a good supper and take his meds orally. Yeah!!!

Another Crock Pot Keeper

I've been using the same slow cooker for years now. I haven't used it often, partially because it's small. It think it's 4 or 4 1/2 qts. which is great for many recipes, but having something larger gives me more options. So, last week I went out and invested in a new crock pot.

The only two differences I see between a slow cooker and a crock pot are:

- The settings - My slow cooker has 5 heat settings which gives me really good control over the cooking time. Crock pots typically have 3 settings; high, low and warm
- The heating elements - My slow cooker sits on top of the heating element and crock pots sit inside the cooking element.

Yesterday I decided to try another new recipe, so I put everything in my new crock pot and then I did the "set it and forget it." When I checked on it that afternoon I didn't feel it was cooking fast enough so I decided to turn it from low to high. About an hour before I needed to do the final step I checked on it again and it was not even close to being done. Suddenly, I'm not happy with my new crock pot. Then I discover something very important about using a crock pot - they will cook the food if you actually use the low or high setting. Warm only keeps the food warm. Yes, I turned the knob from low to warm instead of low to high. Maybe I should have read the owner's manual first. LOL!!!!!

I turned it to high, but it wasn't ready in time for dinner. So I went to Plan B - soup with grilled cheese sandwiches. Yum!!!!

Today we had our left-over crock pot meal for lunch. Does it actually count as left-overs if you didn't eat any of it the night before? I will make some minor adjustments to the recipe next time, but will definitely be using this one again in the future.

Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings

3 lbs boneless, skinless chicken
1 med yellow onion, chopped
1 c mushroom, chopped
1 16 oz bag frozen vegetables - use your favorite*
2 cans cream of chicken soup**
1 tube refrigerated biscuits or make your own biscuit dough

Place chicken on bottom of a ***4 qt or larger crock pot. Add vegetables and pour soup over the top. Cover with lid and cook on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 4-5 hours.

An hour before serving, shred chicken and place biscuit dough on top.

Cover and cook another hour or until a knife inserted into biscuits comes out clean. The biscuits will be spongy and brown a bit on the sides and top.

Serve in bowls with a biscuit or two per person.

*I used a California blend of frozen vegetables and thought the cauliflower was a bit overpowering. Next time I'll use something without cauliflower.

**You can use any cream soup of your choice.

***I used a 6 qt crock pot and there was definitely room once everything started cooking and settling. However, it was close to the top when I first added all the ingredients, so I question using anything smaller than a 5 qt crock pot.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Ryan - Wish I Had Good News

Ryan is still in the hospital. The doctor increased one of his seizures meds yesterday and even after the increase his med level has continued to drop. As a result he ended up having 7 seizures within a 3 hour period this morning. Not the best way to get released from the hospital. I've requested that the neurologist make a big med change by taking him off one of his meds and trying another. Ryan's body just can't seem to handle this one medication. Either he has seizures or his balance is so bad that he can't walk without assistance. Just not good. The problem is, Ryan has tried just about every seizure med ever made. I think we're down to one more choice at this point. Again, just not good.

Despite the bad news on Ryan, there is always good news to be found which helps balance things out a little bit for me.

On the good news front I know of one family who passed court in Ethiopia today and there have been some referral announcements. None of the referrals came from our orphanage (at least none that I'm aware of), but it is good news none-the-less.

Hopefully I'll have nothing but good news tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Spoke Too Soon

I just received a call from Ryan's agency and then from the hospital telling me that as Ryan was getting ready to leave, he had another seizure. As a result, they are keeping him over-night 'again.' They have increased one of his meds a tad and want to monitor him to make sure he doesn't start having another cluster of seizures.

Apparently it's not time for Ryan or me to have some calm in our lives. Then again, if Ryan still doesn't want to be in bed, it won't be time for hospital staff to have calm either :-)

Release

Ryan is no longer a hospital patient. Probably a good thing since his nurse told me that he refuses to get into bed and only wants to ride around the floor in a wheel chair. Apparently, four days in bed was enough for him :-)

He is definitely doing better. He's eating, taking his pills orally and has been seizure free since Saturday night. The doctor made some med changes and we're hoping for the best.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Burrito Pie **Edited**

My friend Jennifer and fellow PAP, shared her recipe for Burrito Pie with me a couple weeks ago. I tried it tonight and it was yummy.

For those who are interested, here's the recipe:

Burrito Pie

2 lbs ground beef (I used ground turkey)
1 med onion, chopped
2 cloves minced garlic
2 ozs black olives, sliced
1 - 4 oz. can chopped green chile's
1 - 10 oz. can diced tomatoes with green chile's
1 - 16 oz. jar taco sauce
2 - 16 oz. cans refried beans
12 - 8 inch flour tortillas
9 ozs shredded cheese (I used Fiesta blend cheese)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large skillet begin browning meat. After browning for about 5 minutes, add onion and garlic. Brown for another 5 minutes and then stir in add black olives, green chile's, tomatoes, taco sauce and refried beans. Simmer for 15 minutes or until meat is completely browned.

In a 9X13 casserole dish, spread a thin layer of the meat mixture. Cover with a layer of tortillas, spread another layer of the meat mixture and sprinkle with cheese. Layer 2 more times and finish with meat mixture and cheese.

Bake for 20-30 minutes or until cheese is bubbling and just starting to brown.

This casserole could easily be made ahead of time, stored in the refrigerator and baked the next day.

**Edit**
Dave didn't get to try any of the Burrito Pie last night, but took some in his lunch today. Apparently, he wasn't as thrilled with it as I was. Since it was the refried beans that he didn't like, next time I'm going to omit the refried beans and replace them with whole black and/or pinto beans.

Show Your Support

For those who have followed adoptions in Guatemala, you know that 'in process' cases prior to adoptions closing in December, 2007 were to be completed under the old system. While many cases were completed and those children did come home (ours was one of those), there are still many who are caught up in "the system." One of those families is with the agency we used for Lili's adoption. I have been in contact with Yesenia and follow her blog for the last 2+ years and my heart just breaks for this family and especially for their little girl.

Mommy and grandpa are in Guatemala now visiting and hoping to make some headway in getting this adoption finalized. I would like all my blog friends to go out and show support to this family. I'm sure it would mean everything to them.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I've Decided

I want a couple days of calm. I'm not asking for much, just a couple days.

Ryan had some seizures the end of last week, was running a low grade fever, wouldn't eat or drink anything and wouldn't take his medication. This landed him in the emergency room a couple times and during the last trip his neurologist decided he wanted him transferred to another hospital about an hour north where he could monitor him personally. That was on Friday and he is still in the hospital today. He's still not eating or drinking; the seizures seem to be under control; he's still running a low grade fever; and he is still refusing to take his pills for anyone other than mom or dad. Until they figure out what's going on or he starts taking his pills orally, they aren't going to release him.

Please understand, when Ryan is in the hospital he can't be left in the room alone. He has to have 24 hour supervision. Not only does someone need to be monitoring him for seizure activity, but he "will not" leave his i.v. in. He pulled it out 4 times within a 24 hour period and that was with someone in the room. It would have been pulled out more often with no one there. Dave went to the hospital to be with him all day into the evening yesterday and I took my shift today.

Under the circumstances he's doing well and we hope he starts making some real improvements soon. He has been through so much over the last few months and he needs things to be calm for awhile. So do we. I hope calm comes soon.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Information from our Agency

A few days ago I did a post about our wait to referral. The next day I emailed our agency to touch base. They asked that we contact them once a month and in the past if I haven't made contact, I've gotten an email from them. It's a nice change of pace from Lili's adoption where we rarely heard from our agency.

As usual, I gave our coordinator a quick synopsis of what's going on and told her that I was handling the wait well and wasn't feeling anxious about our referral. I explained that it didn't mean I wasn't interested in current time lines or what was going on with referrals, but I just wasn't stressing over ours. I didn't hear from her for a couple days (which isn't normal), but finally last night I got a response. She apologized and explained her reason for not being more prompt in her response and then went on to explain that they had received word from the attorney that while the Ethiopian courts began working again on October 5th (the scheduled date of courts reopening), they are conducting training for some new laws that came into place during the summer. As a result, they won't be hearing any new court cases until November. Until cases begin passing court, parents can't travel to pick up their children. Until children are picked up by their new parents, there isn't room in the orphanage for new children who are eligible for adoption. However, there were children who left the orphanage over the last couple of months. These were cases that passed court prior to the courts closing. As a result, there will be some referrals, but it appears these cases won't be heard until at least November. This also means that new referrals will be delayed a bit as well.

The other piece of information I wasn't expecting is that the attorney has informed our agency coordinator that we are getting close to the top of the referral list. I don't anticipate us getting a referral in the next round of referrals, but possibly the following round. Maybe it's time to start getting serious about painting Naomi's room and shopping for nursery furniture. And for those who are wondering why we just don't use Lili's furniture - Lili's crib is convertible so we are going to convert it into a full sized bed for her and get Naomi her own convertible crib. We figured we would end up spending about the same amount of money on a bedroom set for Lili and I haven't been able to find anything I like as much as what she has now.

Like I said earlier, some children left the orphanage to their new homes during the court closure. As a result, this did open up space in the orphanage for new children. Yesterday I heard some good news from a couple families who are adopting from Toukoul. Please read their news here and here.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Be Still My Heart

Since the first time we held Lili in our arms we have told her how much we love her. Everyday she hears "I love you." Recently, Dave started telling her "I love you so much" and she'll repeat "so much." She will also repeat "Lub you" after we've said it to her, that is until this morning. She woke up and as usual immediately began talking to me. Then it happened, she leaned over to me and said "Lub you momma." No prompting, just spontaneously told me that she loved me. It was a moment that I never want to forget and thanks to my blog, the exact date will never be forgotten.

I had a couple other cute and funny moments with Lili yesterday. She is very much into the arts. Crayons, markers, colored pencils, paper, coloring books and play-doh. She was playing with play-doh and decided to bake some cakes. I'm not sure who the cakes were for, but it was obviously someone's birthday.
Those are some big candles!

Later that afternoon my sister and her daughter came over. Lili climbed up to the counter and pulled the camera out. Of course she's not allowed to play with mommy's camera so I took it away from her and she said "Cheese" then she said to my sister "Watch," looked at me and said "Cheese" while I snapped this picture. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was posting about my difficulty in getting her to smile and stand still for a picture. Looks like those days may be gone :-)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Repeat Post on Attachment

Shortly before bringing Lili home, I did a series of posts on attachment and bonding. With each day that passes, we are one day closer to bringing Naomi home and I think this information is good review for me and hopefully others will find it helpful as well.

So, here is a post from February, 2008:

My favorite adoption book is called "Adoption Parenting - Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections." There is great information covering every adoption topic from getting started in adoption to language to therapy, etc. etc. You name it, you'll find it in this book.

Since I've been trying to provide as much information as possible regarding attachment and bonding, I thought I'd share an article from this book by Sheena Macrae and Karleen Gribble BRurSc, PhD called "Why Grandma Can't Pick Up the Baby."

Newly adopted children often arrive into our families stressed by the transition and confused as to what family is and what's special about parents. It's a two-way thing - we also need time to learn our new children! We need also to have courage and knowledge to tell people in our circle of friends and family what we know to be best for this, our child. Here are some tried and tested bonding tips. If friends and family protest, print this sheet and give it to them.

New experiences are hard to cope with during stressful times so minimize the stimulation your child receives in the early days post-placement. Save the welcome party for later!

Control the contact your new child has with others until your child understands that family is special; this is especially important if your child is actively seeking to engage others as opposed to you. In the early days and months even Grandma may have to wait to cuddle!


If you will use caregivers other than yourself from early on, bring them into your bonding circle, but try to ensure that the care givers defer to you on how to feed the child, how much excitement you think is appropriate, etc.

Keep your child in close proximity to you - carry them if you can. Slings are useful even for older toddlers and pre-schoolers. Your child will begin to recognize your special feel and smell!

Do not ignore your child's cries to avoid 'spoiling' them or to teach them 'to go to sleep'; this will be detrimental to their developing trust of you.


Arrange for physical closeness so that you are within arms reach and line of sight of your child at night.

Avoid hard baby carriers, baby seats, high chairs and strollers which put distance between you and your child. Slings and front-facing strollers allow eye-contact.

Provide the experience of nurture through food via bottle feeding/feeding games. Hold your child on your lap at mealtimes.

Provide lots of touch and skin-to-skin contact via massage, swimming together or co-bathing.

Be persistent but not invasive when nurturing your child. Your child may take some months or more to become comfortable with your care-giving. Becoming familiar rather than strange takes time, but the bond forged will last a lifetime.


Some families use visual aids to help their children understand the 'circle of love'. Draw your child at the heart of concentric circles with those on the outside furthest from your close family relationship, where kisses and cuddles are permitted. Think up your version of this! Display it on the fridge - and live it for real. Show it to doubting friends and family. They-like your child-will get it!



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

4 Months Down

As of today, we have been waiting 4 months and 2 days or 124 days for our referral. Other families with our agency have been waiting longer and still don't have a referral, so I'm really expecting our wait to be much closer to the 6 month mark and very possibly the 7 month mark. I understand that it isn't always easy, but since our dossier arrived in Ethiopia, I've been doing very well with the wait. No matter how long it takes, Naomi will become part of our family and I can't imagine her arrival not being worth the wait.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Yummy Beef Stew

I made Beef Stew and home made wheat bread for dinner last night. It is one of our favorites. Even Lili ate several pieces of meat, some potatoes and corn out of the stew.

Week’s Favorite Beef Stew

2 T flour
1 lb stew meat
2 t olive oil
1 - 15 oz. can tomato sauce
2 ¼ c water
1 medium onion, chopped
2 t beef bouillon granules
2 gloves garlic, minced
¾ t dried, crushed basil
½ t dried, crushed thyme
2 ¼ c peeled, cubed potatoes
2 c sliced carrots
1 c sliced celery
1 c fresh or frozen corn

Cut stew meat into bite sized pieces if necessary. Place flour in plastic bag and meat cubes in bag. Shake to coat. In a large Dutch oven, heat oil and add floured meat. Stir until meat has browned. Add tomato sauce, water, onion, bouillon, garlic, basil and thyme. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer. Cover and simmer for 1 hour or until meat is nearly tender. Add potatoes, carrots, and celery. Cover and simmer for an additional 1 hour or until vegetables are tender. Remove from heat and serve.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Moments

On the spur of the moment, we decided to jump in the van and drive to Texas to attend my sister-in-law's 50th birthday bash. When we received the invite we told her we would not be attending. At the time we were in the midst of trying to find a new agency for Ryan and then transitioning him to that new agency. Making a trip to Texas just didn't seem possible with everything else going on. However, now that Ryan was moved and appeared to be settling in nicely, we started to discuss the possibility of making the trip after all. So, after some phone calls to make sure the new agency would be fine with us leaving for a few days and setting up boarding for Jada and Lexie, we packed our bags and set out on our 14 hour drive.

We purposely did not tell my dear sister-in-law that we were coming. At this point we thought it would be much more fun to surprise her. So, we contacted our niece and filled her in on the plan and asked for her assistance. With a plan in place and we headed to a local North Dallas Mexican restaurant and waited for her arrival in hopes that she still had no clue we would be there. What we didn't expect was that we would also be surprising our nephew who had flown in from New York that morning. We walked in and the look on his face told us that he really wasn't expecting to see Uncle Dave, Aunt Debbie and Lili walk through the door. That was a bonus.

After waiting about 20 minutes, the guest-of-honor finally arrived. As she approached the area where we were sitting, she looked over at the end of the table and saw us sitting there, screamed and began to run toward Lili and I as she was passing her New York son. She then decided she should stop and give him a quick hug before completing her run to hug Lili and I followed by a hug for her brother. The surprise was a success!!!!! :-)

After a nice lunch, we headed out to check in to the hotel where the party was being held. Lili was the only child at the party, but she didn't care. Once she was introduced to the dance floor in the ballroom and that was all she cared about. When the music was on, Lili was on the dance floor. I see "So You Think You Can Dance" in her future. Okay, maybe some dance lessons are in order before a dance competition.
I cut off the top of her head in the this photo, but she had such a cute smile I just had to share. And this one is blurry, but again such a cute expression I have to share.It was a quick trip, but we're so happy we made drive.

More on Attachment and Bonding

Yesterday, I posted a link to the Today Show episode about a family who disrupted their adoption of a little boy. The mother had written an article for Motherlode back in August because she wanted to share her story so others in similar situations would know they are not alone. I wasn't able to read the article until this morning and must admit that it was a tough story for me to read. The Today Show touched on a very small piece of this story, so for those who are interested in reading more, go here. http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/26/terminating-an-adoption/?hp

Another adoptive mom and I chatted about this story which very quickly lead to discussion about attachment and bonding. Our discussion made me realize once again, just how important it is for parents to understand attachment and bonding. I'm certainly no expert on the subject, but I feel very strongly that the information I have on the subject is important to share.

I posted information on 10 Way to Build Attachment and wanted to post information on the signs of successful and unsuccessful attachment.

Signs of Healthy Attachment

- Joyful the majority of the time.
- Seeks out primary caregiver for comfort and to meet needs.
- Likes to be cradled and held facing primary caregiver.
- Makes good eye contact with primary caregiver and initiates eye contact--both close & distant proximity.
- When primary caregiver makes eye contact, the child smiles back, showing signs of being happy with the interaction.
- Smiles and exhibits pleasure when seeing self in the mirror.
- Frequently engages in playful interactions with primary caregiver (interactions initiated by both parent and child.)
- Uses different cries to alert primary caregiver of needs and wants; easily consoled by primary caregiver.
- Accepts limits placed by primary caregiver.
- Willingly allows primary caregiver to hold bottle, hand feed, and nurture.
- Melts into primary caregiver when held; lays head on shoulder; holds on when held; faces primary caregiver rather than away.
- Enjoys cuddling, hugs, and kisses given by primary caregiver and initiates cuddling, hugs, and kisses without wanting something in return.
- Can co-sleep without major difficulty.
- Prefers primary caregiver to all others.
- Imitates primary caregiver regularly (actions, language, etc.)
- Content to sit on primary caregiver’s lap or stay in primary caregiver’s arms for an age appropriate amount of time.
- Settles quickly when held by primary caregiver.
- Enjoys skin on skin contact.
- Prefers close proximity to primary caregiver but not in an anxious, desperate way.
- Consistently sleeps well and peacefully.
- Wants to please primary caregiver because he knows it will make his parent happy.
- Reacts appropriately to pain; wants primary caregiver to nurture him when in pain or sick; easily consoled.
- Uses food appropriately. Recognizes when hungry and full.
- Shows true personality to primary caregiver and family and friends (discovering a child’s innate personality takes time.)
- Initiates “sweet nothing” talk with primary caregiver.
- Shows appropriate stranger anxiety.
- Displays age appropriate anxiety at brief separation from primary caregiver but is able to be reassured.
- Reunites happily with primary caregiver with eye contact and physical contact.
- Show signs of feeling safe in social situations; able to play and interact with others, but stays close and checks in with primary caregiver regularly but not in an anxious or desperate way.
- Is gentle to self and others.
- Gets along with other children & siblings most of the time.
- Is okay with primary caregiver leaving the room for short periods of time. Conversely, cares that primary caregiver has left the room and shows happiness when that person returns.
- Speech/language skills are developing appropriately.
- Angry outbursts/tantrums are infrequent, short in duration. Parent can soothe child.
- “Normal” discipline methods/parenting techniques are effective.
- Child can identify his own feelings (at an age appropriate level.)
- Child can identify the feelings of others (at an age appropriate level.)
- Child can delay gratification (at an age appropriate level.)


by Kali Miller, PhD

Symptoms of Unhealthy Attachment

- Cries; miserable all the time, chronically fussy
- Resists comforting or nurturance
- Resists or dislikes being held
- Poor eye contact or avoids eye contact
- Flat, lifeless affect (too quiet)
- Likes playpen or crib more than being held
- Rarely cries (overly good baby)
- Angry or rageful when cries
- Exceedingly demanding
- Looks sad or empty-eyed
- Delayed milestones (creeping, crawling, etc.)
- Stiffens or becomes rigid when held
- Likes to be in control
- Does not hold on when held (no reciprocal holding)
- When held chest to chest, faces away
- Doesn't like head touched (combed, washed)
- Generally unresponsive to parent
- Cries or rages when held beyond his wishes
- Overly independent play or makes no demands
- Reaches for others to hold him rather than parent
- Little or reduced verbal responsiveness
- Does not return smiles
- Shows very little imitative behavior
- Prefers Dad to Mom
- Gets in and out of parents lap frequently
- Physically restless when sleeping
- Does not react to pain (high pain tolerance)


by Walter D. Buenning

For those who are interested, I'll be posting more information regarding healthy and unhealthy attachment and bonding in future blog posts.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Slow Cooker Meal #1

Thanks you Shannon for sharing the crock pot cooking website with me. Today I tried out one of the recipes and it was "yummy." My family enjoyed it and we will definitely be making it again in the future.

For those who would like to try it out, here's the recipe:

Pasta Figioli (Crock Pot)

--1 pound lean ground beef, browned and drained

--1/2 large red onion, chopped
--1 cup carrots, chopped
--2 celery stalks, sliced
--2 cans (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes (and juice)
--1 can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
--1 can white beans, drained and rinsed
--4 cups beef broth
--1 jar (16.5 oz) pasta sauce
--2 tsp oregano
--1 T Tabasco sauce
--1/2 tsp salt
--1/4 tsp black pepper
--1/2 cup dry pasta, to add at end of cooking time

Directions:

Use a 6 quart or larger crockpot, or cut the recipe in half. This makes a lot.

Brown the meat on the stovetop, and drain well. Let it cool a bit.

Chop up the carrots, onion, and celery. Add it to the empty crockpot.
Drain and rinse the beans, and add them.
Add the whole cans of tomatoes, and the pasta sauce.
Add the beef broth.
Add the salt, pepper, oregano, and Tabasco sauce.
Stir in your meat.
Cover and cook on low for 8 hours, or high for 4.

When the vegetables are tender, stir in the 1/2 cup of dry pasta. Cover and cook for another hour on low, or until the pasta is tender. It will swell quite a bit.

Serve with a bit of Parmesan cheese if you have it.

Disrupted Adoption

The Today Show did a story about a family who adopted a little boy and after 18 months decided to disrupt his adoption.

You can view the story here. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/33116911#33116911

I know many hear a story like this and the immediate response is to judge the family. However, how can I judge a person for making such a heartbreaking decision? How can I sit in judgement of a person for doing something that they honestly felt was in the best interest of the child they loved? How can I judge someone when I never lived in their home and experienced what they were going through? I can only imagine that when a family makes the decision to disrupt an adoption, they go through great emotional turmoil and I hope I'm never faced with this situation.

Because attachment and bonding is such an important piece in a child's life, I thought this would be a good time to revisit the subject. I know it was one of my major concerns regarding Lili and I followed these 10 steps on a daily basis with great success. Who am I kidding, I still follow most of these 10 steps on a daily basis :-)

Here are 10 Ways to Build Attachment by Stephanie Brown:

Sometimes parents get mixed signals when it comes to attachment. You might hear that you are spoiling your baby or a friend might tell you that it seems like your child is “attached at the hip” in a negative tone. Rest assured that if you practice the following with love and make sure to balance your own needs for rest, adult contact and intellectual stimulation, then your child will grow to be independent and secure. The first years of life is when this groundwork is laid, and a strong, healthy attachment is the key.

Wear your baby. Let’s face it. You’re a parent or other caregiver and you’ve got a lot of things to accomplish in a day. There’s laundry to be done, meals to be cooked and if you have other children their needs must be attended to as well. At the end of a day, it might seem like you haven’t had time to even brush your teeth. A sling is not a magical cure for the time crunch of parenting, but it can help. The greatest benefit of all goes to your baby, however. While it helps free your hands for jobs around the house or the market, it also gives your baby close contact to your body. For very young babies, the motion is soothing and similar to the womb. It can often help calm babies with colic, as well.

Read and talk to your baby. This is especially important if it’s just you and your baby together for the majority of the time. Since you are the primary caregiver, it’s important that your baby learns to understand and trust you. Much of this understanding comes from verbal cues. Good early books to read with infants are picture books with one word descriptions of everyday objects on each page or books with short rhyming patterns. Don’t be under the impression, though, that you must provide a non-stop flow of chatter for your baby all day long. This can cause your baby to become overstimulated and tune you out. As your baby grows, he’ll learn that there are times for talking, laughing and reading and times for quiet as well. If you use language carefully now and make reading times routine, your child will be able to discern later when it’s important to listen.

Play lap games with your baby. Games like peek-a-boo and patty cake help children develop skills like fine motor skills and object permanence, but more importantly, they provide times of closeness for you and your child. It also provides a good example — your child might see you working all day on household chores or other tasks, so make sure he sees you take time out for play, too.

Massage your baby. Infant massage has been getting a lot of press in the last decade as an important way to build attachment and soothe fussiness. It’s especially useful for babies that get worked up quickly and have a hard time calming down, and for babies who aren’t able to self-soothe. If you’ve ever seen a baby form an attachment to a pacifier, you know how quickly they can calm down when it goes in their mouth. For babies who are given frequent massages early in life, it has the same effect. In later months, it takes just a moment of touch to help them relax and regain control. But don’t wait until he’s fussy to give a massage. Set aside time before or after a bath or during diaper changes, too.

Look at your baby while you are feeding him. Looking at your baby promotes attachment, of course, but it also helps him develop his own sense of identity. When you gaze into his eyes during a feeding, there is prolonged, intimate contact coupled with the warmth of being nestled in your arms, and skin-to-skin contact if you are nursing. When you change sides you offer him a different view of you and help him develop both sides of his brain and body.

Kiss your baby. Kissing is an intimate activity and a sign of affection that can help promote attachment. The kiss of most parents is even known to “cure” a whole host of ailments and boo-boos.

Talk to your baby when you are out of sight. Soon enough, your baby may lose that “out of sight, out of mind” mindset. Many babies become frightened when they realize a parent or caregiver has left the room, and this can be frustrating every time you need to answer the phone or use the bathroom. If you start early, you can help alleviate this fear. As you are leaving the room, talk to your baby about what you are doing or where you are going. You don’t need to speak loudly or keep your voice going the entire time, but just hearing your voice is a reassuring reminder that you aren’t far away. In time, your baby will gain the sense that all is still well when you leave the room and there’s no need to fear.

Be there when your baby wakes up. You don’t have to set an alarm or stand over your sleeping child just waiting for the moment he rises. If you know your child always wakes from a nap at a certain time, though, make it a habit to occasionally be nearby when he wakes up, ready with a hug. This is especially true if you have a child who always wakes up crying or seems afraid upon waking. Knowing you are nearby can help alleviate this.

Bathe with your baby. Again, the skin-to-skin contact here is elemental toward developing attachment and it’s a routine that provides stability and builds trust between you and your baby. It’s not necessary to bathe with him each and every time, but it’s a fun time for you and your baby to share together.

Learn your baby’s cues and respond to them quickly. Each baby has his own set of cues, but many are universal. Babies will begin rooting, mouthing their hands or making sucking sounds when hungry and will eventually cry, for example. In time you will learn what all your child’s signals are if you pay close attention to what’s going on before the diaper change, feeding, nap or bedtime. When you have an attachment to someone, it is because you are close to them and you know them. You know when your best friend is feeling down and you know how to make her feel better. You know what your significant other’s favorite food is and you probably know just when to cook it to make him or her feel comforted. The same holds true with your baby. When you know your baby and respond to his cues, you build trust and a sense of security that all his needs are going to be met and anxiety is lessened and often eliminated. You don’t have to run at break-neck speed the instant your baby starts to make hungry sucking noises, but that’s a good time to respond verbally and let him know that food is coming. That response lets him know you are aware of his needs and that “help is on the way.” It also gives you time to gather a glass of water or a snack before nursing or allows you to prepare a bottle before his cue turns into a desperate demand.

And one last tip — ignore anyone who says you are spoiling your baby. You’ll be able to prove them wrong when your child is secure enough in your love to venture out on his own to explore the world.