September 14th

This is the official date that Ryan will be moving in to the new agency. Yes, I'm happy to see a light at the end of the tunnel. No, I'm not yet feeling overly comfortable that things will go well. Yes, I think this agency is very capable of meeting Ryan's needs. No, I'm not yet feeling overly comfortable that things will go well. Yes, I think Ryan can be successful with this new agency. No, I'm not yet feeling overly comfortable that things will go well.

Let's just say that until we have more time under our belts and see regular improvement in how Ryan is handling all the changes, I'm not going to feel overly comfortable that things will go well. It's really difficult to have an agency that has been providing services for about 4 1/2 years announce that they are done providing those services to your child. I just keep thinking "it's happened once, so it can happen again." This new agency seems more competent and certainly has a much better understanding of the needs of an individual with autism, so I really want things to go well.

With that said, I don't think I've shared just how much this has had an affect on our life recently.

The obvious affect is just how much stress this has caused. We very quickly moved into over drive trying to find an agency that we felt was more than capable of not only handling Ryan's challenges, but meeting them head-on to make his life better and help him meet his full potential. The fact is, approximately 1 out of every 150 children are diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. Much more is known about autism now than when Ryan was young, but all the kids diagnosed with autism back in the early 80's and 90's have or are now entering adulthood. These adults need services and many agencies just haven't jumped on that band wagon. That leaves parents, such as us, in limbo and wondering what they will do. In addition, many state budgets are in a 'state of emergency' and they tend to pull money from funds providing services to those individuals who need it the most. The combination of just these two situations alone means that some agencies want to provide services to individuals who need the least amount of care. Ryan does not fall into the category of an 'individual who needs the least amount of care.' Quite the opposite. We weren't sure if there was an agency within the State of Illinois that would willingly take on the responsibility of Ryan. We questioned whether or not we would have to bring him back home to live with us. He needs full-time care and as much as we love him, we just are not in a position of providing the level of care that he requires.

While we were working hard to find the right agency for Ryan, we quickly came to the realization that all of this put our adoption plans in jeopardy. Until we were able to find another agency to provide services to him, there was no way we could bring another child into our home. Too much of our attention had to go into taking care of Ryan's needs and a new child in the family would also be in need of just as much attention. We had to actually say out loud, "If we get a referral today, we will have to turn it down." While other families were expressing their impatience over how long they've been waiting for their referrals, I was quietly hoping that ours would come later rather than sooner to give us more time to get the Ryan situation under control. However, we just weren't sure how long it was going to take or what it was going to take. On top of the stress and emotions of everything happening with Ryan, we didn't know if we could complete another adoption. Added stress and emotion.

Fast forward about 8 weeks and we've made great progress. We have been very pleased with how tirelessly the new agency has been working with Ryan and with us. We really cannot express how thankful we are to have found them. They have not only allowed him to come regularly for visits to their day training program and home, but have strongly encouraged that he come regularly for those visits. They have not been receiving a dime for any of this because all his funding has continued to go to the old agency. Yet, they recognized that his success was very much dependent on these visits. So, I loaded Lili in the van on a daily basis and began the 250 mile round trip to pick up Ryan and take him for his visits. Fortunately, we are to the point now that we aren't making the trip daily as he is staying there for more overnight visits, but we also know that we will need to continue making regular trips to help the agency while Ryan continues his transition. It is a process that will take time and despite the fact that I'm still not overly comfortable that things will go well, I am hopeful.

We began our adoption journey #2 on October 6, 2008 and 3 months ago tomorrow (Sept. 4th) our dossier arrived in Ethiopia. I had many moments of discouragement as we waited and waited for our completed home study and then waited for our USCIS approval. Now I'm thankful that we had all those delays. Our agency is still telling us that we will be waiting another 2-3 months for our referral and then another 4 months to travel on pick up. I never dreamed I would be thankful that we still have 6-7 months, but I am. Ryan needs to be successful. He deserves that success in his life and we need to do everything we can to help him achieve that success and reach his full potential in life.