Lili and I went shopping to purchase some things to send to Naomi. A family from our agency is traveling next week and graciously offered to deliver a package for us, so it was over the river and through the woods to Target we go. Okay, so we didn't cross any rivers, but we crossed a couple creeks and did go through some woods :-) We found a cute little sleeper that says, "Mommy and daddy love me," bought a few little toys, an infant photo book, and a disposable camera. I put pictures of our family in the photo book and have no idea if the camera will be used or if we'll get it back, but I wanted to at least try. We have so many pictures of Lili that were taken by her foster family while we waited and I so hope we will have at least a few of Naomi.
They say that a woman won't necessarily have two pregnancies that are alike and what I've discovered is that two adoptions aren't necessarily alike either. For many reasons, my experiences with Naomi's adoption has been very different from Lili's. Granted, there is the whole issue of adopting from a completely different country, but the emotions this time around have been very different as well. I had just expressed to Dave a couple days ago that I was feeling a bit guilty because I have felt somewhat detached this time. When we received Lili's referral I stared at her photos constantly and was obsessed with every little detail of the process. I'm very aware that Lili is distracting me and that is a big reason that things are different, but there are other differences as well. We connected with Lili's foster family early on in the process. They had a computer and email so we purchased a web cam for them and were able to see Lili via the computer. They were very good at taking pictures and sending them to us as well. When she was 5 months old we went to visit and I visited again a few months later. Naomi isn't in a foster home and Ethiopia is not a quick 5 hour flight away. I don't have the same access to information about Naomi and I had about Lili. However, as I was shopping for Naomi today a wave of emotion came over me and the detachment that I have felt seemed to quickly disappear. Nothing like getting teary in Target. It was almost like this adoption has been a dream and I woke up to realize that it's not a dream, but really happening. I have felt a love for Naomi since before we got her referral, but that love grew tremendously today. Who would have thought that a shopping trip to Target would bring about so many emotions? I'll try to continue to wait patiently, but have a feeling that I'm going to fail miserably.
For those who have gone through more than one adoption, what were your emotional experiences like?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
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3 comments:
My second adoption is way harder. We had little more info on our first son, but were new to adoption so didn't know what to expect. Plus I was working. This time I am home, waiting, and waiting, and waiting,,,and crying a little while I wait. Where did that old retired 1SG go?! hahah Glad you got your package off. Hopefully we will all pass soon and get there to see each others babies!
Since we already talked about the crying issue in our chat last night, I won't mention it again, lol.
Remember, we're women, we're pink and have the privilege to bawl and cry wherever and whenever we please, (even when we don't like how somebody chews his gum), he he.
As for the question about bonding and which adoption is harder, whew, I must admit, they were all hard in their own way.
With the first one, we didn't know what to expect and were very quiet regarding the adoption agencies - PAP's relationship and were hesitant to ask questions etc. We never received an updates during our wait after referral (4 1/2 months) and the practices of the agency were somewhat questionable. They're out of IA business now and did never get Hague accredited. Vietnam closed 4 months after we adopted, but rumors were out there already of closure while we were in the process, and so our main concern was, "Will we even be able to bring our girl home?". I tried not to get attached to much (which was hard), allowing myself to get motherly feelings (which didn't work very well) once we were on the plane to pick her up.
While in Vietnam (almost 4 weeks, we got stuck there due to immigration issues), we signed with Heartsent (three thumbs up) for our Taiwan adoption and even sent our I-600A application via FedEx from Vietnam to USCIS. Our Taiwan adoption was super quick (10 months altogether, and in my opinion how adoptions should be), and an open adoption. We heard the birth mothers requests and bonded, twice, with the birth mother (although that only happened via pictures and writing) and the baby. We had to wait for court procedures about 7 months after we received his referral, but got monthly updates. The bonding and wait with our second adoption was somewhat easier, since we had the assurance that we will get this baby 100% for sure, despite the longer wait for court hearings. Taiwan is a very stable and reliable program.
Adoption #3 seems/seemed never ending. We started 1 1/2 years ago, and I wondered many many times why in the ever loving blue eyes world this adoption would take FOREVER. I must say now, that Gods timing is perfect and I would not want it any other way. The wait was/is long, but I had immense time to bond and prepare. I could have not imagined what it would have been like to have had a referral for #3, 9 or 10 months ago and have 2 babies come home in only a 2 or 3 months break period.
chatter chatter, jabber jabber. her ya go again mel, sigh.
Hope I didn't bore you to much, lol.
Blessings,
mel
Hmmm, good question. I actually think adoption 1 was harder for us than adoption two. I think so much of it was due to the circumstances. We kind of threw ourselves into adoption with Maria. We hadn't thought about it for long periods of time...it came on kind of quickly. And we knew NOTHING about the process. Then she was an abandonment case on top of that. And it was opposite of your situation...she was in a hogar. She was of course older too. J-man was a shorter process, we knew what we were doing, and he was in foster care (and a little more easily accessible). Our biggest scare with him was that we brought him home about two weeks before the end of the year when adoptions changed drastically. (Sadly I have two friends who started about the same time still waiting...)
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