Because I didn't want to go through the weekend wondering about our case, I called PGN again this afternoon. We're still on the 2nd reviewer's desk. The nice woman who answered the phone said she didn't know when we were submitted to the 2nd reviewer but that it typically takes 6 weeks. While I'm a little disappointed that we haven't' moved on for final review and signature, I'm more relieved that we're still in PGN and haven't gotten a previo.
Keep watching for next week's update.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Attachment and Bonding Continued
Q. Why are you posting so much information regarding attachment and bonding?
A. Because attachment and bonding is so vitally important in a child's development and especially in the development of a child who has become part of a family through adoption. Poor attachment and bonding can cause a multitude of problems throughout an individuals life. Because this topic is so important, our agency requires that all adoptive parents go through training on attachment and bonding. Dave and I have continued to read books and articles on this subject and want to make sure we do everything possible to make sure that Lili attaches and bonds well to both of us.
When we bring Lili home, it may be difficult for well-meaning friends and family to understand why we might ask them to give us time alone as a new family or why we may tell someone they can't hold Lili. Believe me, we will be anxious for everyone to meet her as soon as she comes home, but as parents we are required to put her needs first and one of those needs is her attachment and bonding to us as her parents and her brothers as her siblings. Sometimes the best way to gather support from friends and family is to educate. Thus, the reason for so many posts on attachment and bonding.
With this in mind, here is more information on the topic of attachment and bonding from www.childsafety.qld.gov.
Attachment - the feeling or need a child has for one or both care givers.
Bonding - the development of love between a parent and child.
Attachment behaviour - behaviours demonstrated by a child to elicit a response from an adult to feel close, for example - crying, smiling, following.
Research suggests that attachment is a learned ability where emotional connections between a parent and child are nurtured over time through mutual interaction, and is based on trust. Bonding, on the other hand, occurs between a parent and child without knowledge, intent or conscious effort.
Attachment is formed between a parent and child shortly after birth and develops during the first three years of a child's life as the parent continually meets the physical and emotional needs of their child. Attachment is based on trust - giving birth to a child does not bias a child's attachment with their biological parents over adopted parents.
It is important that an attachment is formed between a child and their parents in order for the child to grow. Attachment does not necessarily form instantly. Through early interaction with the parents, the child develops a cognitive model of themselves, their parents and the world, which allows them to interpret all subsequent experiences.
With adoption, a child must make an immediate emotional attachment to their adoptive parents. An adopted child will sense changes in sounds, smells, stress and rhythms and may respond to these changes by crying, having difficulty sucking, experiencing bowel or bladder disturbances or withdrawal.
It is likely that these changes will be temporary as the child adjusts to their new environment. For adoptive parents to feel attached to their newly adopted child, they must feel confident that they understand the child's cues, including what their cries mean, what will comfort them and what an older child thinks and feels.
There are four types of attachment that can develop between a child and their adoptive parent.
These are:
1. Secure attachment
2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
3. Insecure or resistant attachment
4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment
1. Secure attachment
Occurs when the child feels valued, understood, accepted, and is helped by caring parents to make choices. This allows the child to develop self-esteem and a capacity to think and manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviour in a way that is accepted.
2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
Occurs when the caregiver finds it difficult to accept or respond sensitively to the child's needs. As a result, the child may find that their demands are rejected, their feelings are ignored and that the parent tries to take over in an intrusive, insensitive way.
The child learns to hide their feelings in order to avoid upsetting the parent and provoking rejection or intrusion. It is more comfortable for the child to be self-reliant, which makes it more likely that the parent will stay close.
3. Insecure or resistant attachment
Occurs when the parent responds to the child's demands in a sporadic, unpredictable and insensitive manner. The child finds it difficult to develop closeness with the parent. Care and protection are sometimes offered by the parent, but it is uncertain and ineffective.
Initially, the child may constantly make demands to attract and keep the attention of the parent. Over time, the child becomes preoccupied, demanding, clingy, distrustful and resistant.
4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment
Occurs when the parent is unpredictable, frightening and rejects the child's needs. The child is in a situation of fear without a solution. Parents do not care for the child, appear out of control, are hostile and helpless to protect the child.
The child's failed efforts to receive care and protection from the parent results in fear, anxiety and confusion. Over time, the child develops controlling behaviours to enable them to feel safe. Feelings of fear and anxiety remain unresolved and surface at times of stress.
The success of adoptive parents in forming an attachment with their child depends on their understanding of attachment. Their behaviour in forming an attachment with their child is influenced by conscious and unconscious memories of being parented as children.
Developing attachment with your child
In developing an attachment with your child, it is important that you think about the following factors:
-Attachments can form at any age and stage of the child's development, but are likely to be influenced by previous relationships.
-An attachment between a child and their adoptive parents is not necessarily a result of a close or loving relationship - a child will form an attachment to parents who provide love and support, but will also form an attachment to parents who are insensitive or who abuse and frighten them.
-The quality of care provided by the parents will impact on the child's physical, psychological, social and emotional development.
-The type of care provided by the parent will continue to affect the type of attachment they have with their child, and as a result the child's behaviour, as the child grows from infancy to adolescence.
-A child's attachment with their parent may be affected by life experiences that change the type of care provided by their parent. This means that a secure child may become insecure, or an insecure child may become secure in their attachment with their parent.
-Adoptive parents have an opportunity to influence their child's development, security and happiness, regardless of the child's past experiences, as a result of developing a secure attachment with their child.
A. Because attachment and bonding is so vitally important in a child's development and especially in the development of a child who has become part of a family through adoption. Poor attachment and bonding can cause a multitude of problems throughout an individuals life. Because this topic is so important, our agency requires that all adoptive parents go through training on attachment and bonding. Dave and I have continued to read books and articles on this subject and want to make sure we do everything possible to make sure that Lili attaches and bonds well to both of us.
When we bring Lili home, it may be difficult for well-meaning friends and family to understand why we might ask them to give us time alone as a new family or why we may tell someone they can't hold Lili. Believe me, we will be anxious for everyone to meet her as soon as she comes home, but as parents we are required to put her needs first and one of those needs is her attachment and bonding to us as her parents and her brothers as her siblings. Sometimes the best way to gather support from friends and family is to educate. Thus, the reason for so many posts on attachment and bonding.
With this in mind, here is more information on the topic of attachment and bonding from www.childsafety.qld.gov.
Attachment - the feeling or need a child has for one or both care givers.
Bonding - the development of love between a parent and child.
Attachment behaviour - behaviours demonstrated by a child to elicit a response from an adult to feel close, for example - crying, smiling, following.
Research suggests that attachment is a learned ability where emotional connections between a parent and child are nurtured over time through mutual interaction, and is based on trust. Bonding, on the other hand, occurs between a parent and child without knowledge, intent or conscious effort.
Attachment is formed between a parent and child shortly after birth and develops during the first three years of a child's life as the parent continually meets the physical and emotional needs of their child. Attachment is based on trust - giving birth to a child does not bias a child's attachment with their biological parents over adopted parents.
It is important that an attachment is formed between a child and their parents in order for the child to grow. Attachment does not necessarily form instantly. Through early interaction with the parents, the child develops a cognitive model of themselves, their parents and the world, which allows them to interpret all subsequent experiences.
With adoption, a child must make an immediate emotional attachment to their adoptive parents. An adopted child will sense changes in sounds, smells, stress and rhythms and may respond to these changes by crying, having difficulty sucking, experiencing bowel or bladder disturbances or withdrawal.
It is likely that these changes will be temporary as the child adjusts to their new environment. For adoptive parents to feel attached to their newly adopted child, they must feel confident that they understand the child's cues, including what their cries mean, what will comfort them and what an older child thinks and feels.
There are four types of attachment that can develop between a child and their adoptive parent.
These are:
1. Secure attachment
2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
3. Insecure or resistant attachment
4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment
1. Secure attachment
Occurs when the child feels valued, understood, accepted, and is helped by caring parents to make choices. This allows the child to develop self-esteem and a capacity to think and manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviour in a way that is accepted.
2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
Occurs when the caregiver finds it difficult to accept or respond sensitively to the child's needs. As a result, the child may find that their demands are rejected, their feelings are ignored and that the parent tries to take over in an intrusive, insensitive way.
The child learns to hide their feelings in order to avoid upsetting the parent and provoking rejection or intrusion. It is more comfortable for the child to be self-reliant, which makes it more likely that the parent will stay close.
3. Insecure or resistant attachment
Occurs when the parent responds to the child's demands in a sporadic, unpredictable and insensitive manner. The child finds it difficult to develop closeness with the parent. Care and protection are sometimes offered by the parent, but it is uncertain and ineffective.
Initially, the child may constantly make demands to attract and keep the attention of the parent. Over time, the child becomes preoccupied, demanding, clingy, distrustful and resistant.
4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment
Occurs when the parent is unpredictable, frightening and rejects the child's needs. The child is in a situation of fear without a solution. Parents do not care for the child, appear out of control, are hostile and helpless to protect the child.
The child's failed efforts to receive care and protection from the parent results in fear, anxiety and confusion. Over time, the child develops controlling behaviours to enable them to feel safe. Feelings of fear and anxiety remain unresolved and surface at times of stress.
The success of adoptive parents in forming an attachment with their child depends on their understanding of attachment. Their behaviour in forming an attachment with their child is influenced by conscious and unconscious memories of being parented as children.
Developing attachment with your child
In developing an attachment with your child, it is important that you think about the following factors:
-Attachments can form at any age and stage of the child's development, but are likely to be influenced by previous relationships.
-An attachment between a child and their adoptive parents is not necessarily a result of a close or loving relationship - a child will form an attachment to parents who provide love and support, but will also form an attachment to parents who are insensitive or who abuse and frighten them.
-The quality of care provided by the parents will impact on the child's physical, psychological, social and emotional development.
-The type of care provided by the parent will continue to affect the type of attachment they have with their child, and as a result the child's behaviour, as the child grows from infancy to adolescence.
-A child's attachment with their parent may be affected by life experiences that change the type of care provided by their parent. This means that a secure child may become insecure, or an insecure child may become secure in their attachment with their parent.
-Adoptive parents have an opportunity to influence their child's development, security and happiness, regardless of the child's past experiences, as a result of developing a secure attachment with their child.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Exciting News - Another PGN Out
To those who had a sudden surge of excitement thinking I was posting news that we're out of PGN, sorry, we're not out yet. However, when I got home this evening I had a phone message from my friend Nicole letting me know that they got a call from the agency today (we're with the same agency) telling them their case is out of PGN and they should plan on traveling sometime within the next two months to pick up their baby boy. Nicole and I have been good email friends for several months and met each other in person while on our visit trips in October. I am so excited for her and her husband. They've been waiting 5 years to become parents and it's finally happening for them. It's also exciting knowing we entered PGN 12 days after they did. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we'll be getting the same good news very soon.
And since I know Nicole reads my blog . . . . . .
Go to Guatemala for Christmas!!!!!!
And since I know Nicole reads my blog . . . . . .
Go to Guatemala for Christmas!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I Called PGN Again
The good news is we haven't been kicked out of PGN. The bad news is we are still with the 2nd reviewer. I was hoping that we might have moved on to Señor Barrios, but unfortunately we haven't gotten that far yet. I'm going to try to wait until next week to call again, but if my curiosity gets the best of me, I might call again on Friday. I'll keep everyone posted.
Monday, November 26, 2007
We Got New Pictures
When our friends were recently in Guatemala, our foster mom gave them one of the disposable cameras we had sent down and I got the pictures developed today. I love getting new pictures and wanted to share some with you.
Mommy and Daddy gave her the little dress she's wearing. Isn't she adorable! I hope it still fits her when we go back down to pick her up.
The pj's she is wearing were also part of the "huge" bag of clothes we took down on our visit trip. She has to be one of the best dressed babies in Guatemala :-)
I'm so excited to see that her hair is starting to get a little thicker. I might be able to get a little pony tail in her hair on our pick up trip. Yeah! She already has a nice collection of hair supplies. I'm sure everyone has figured out by now that I like shopping for my baby girl!!!!
Mommy and Daddy gave her the little dress she's wearing. Isn't she adorable! I hope it still fits her when we go back down to pick her up.The pj's she is wearing were also part of the "huge" bag of clothes we took down on our visit trip. She has to be one of the best dressed babies in Guatemala :-)I'm so excited to see that her hair is starting to get a little thicker. I might be able to get a little pony tail in her hair on our pick up trip. Yeah! She already has a nice collection of hair supplies. I'm sure everyone has figured out by now that I like shopping for my baby girl!!!!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Post Thanksgiving
The last of our Thanksgiving company left bright and early this morning and our house seems very, very quiet now. It was wonderful spending time with family over the Holiday weekend and now we have to get back into the swing of things which is always a little hard to do, but at the same time it's nice getting back to our normal routine.
On Thanksgiving we were also honored to receive a visit from our friends who recently returned from Guatemala with their little boy. He is an absolute cutie. They also brought us some gifts from Guatemala that we will forever treasure. Our foster mom also sent some gifts including Lili's footprints on shoe cutouts that they had done for us. What an awesome gift! Once again, proof of what a wonderful and thoughtful foster family she has.
I spent very little time on the computer until this morning when I was able to check my email as well as the groups and forums I read on a regular basis. There were several families announcing that their cases have been completed in PGN and they are now on the last leg of their journey. What's even more exciting is that some of the cases that are now exiting PGN were submitted the first week of October. Since we were submitted on October 16th, it could be just be a matter of days to a couple weeks before we are also out of PGN. I will call PGN again this week to check status and am hoping that we haven't been given a previo and am very much hoping that we have made it to the desk of Senor Barrios for final signature. Even better news would be that we are out of PGN, but considering they just started signing off cases from the beginning of October, I'm not going to get my hopes up. Stay posted for more updates this week.
On Thanksgiving we were also honored to receive a visit from our friends who recently returned from Guatemala with their little boy. He is an absolute cutie. They also brought us some gifts from Guatemala that we will forever treasure. Our foster mom also sent some gifts including Lili's footprints on shoe cutouts that they had done for us. What an awesome gift! Once again, proof of what a wonderful and thoughtful foster family she has.
I spent very little time on the computer until this morning when I was able to check my email as well as the groups and forums I read on a regular basis. There were several families announcing that their cases have been completed in PGN and they are now on the last leg of their journey. What's even more exciting is that some of the cases that are now exiting PGN were submitted the first week of October. Since we were submitted on October 16th, it could be just be a matter of days to a couple weeks before we are also out of PGN. I will call PGN again this week to check status and am hoping that we haven't been given a previo and am very much hoping that we have made it to the desk of Senor Barrios for final signature. Even better news would be that we are out of PGN, but considering they just started signing off cases from the beginning of October, I'm not going to get my hopes up. Stay posted for more updates this week.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Happy Turkey Day
I will be spending most of today baking desserts and cleaning the rest of my house as we a prepare for Thanksgiving at our house again this year. As a result, I'm going to have very little computer time for the next several days and wanted to send out a Turkey Day greeting to everyone.
I know many of you are waiting to bring your children home, just like we are. For me, the Holidays feel a little different this year, but yet in a good way. So, let me share what I'm thankful for this year.
1. My husband. He has a tough job being married to me and I appreciate all he does for me and the boys. He is the love of my life and I'm so Thankful that I married him and get to spend my life with him.
2. My boys. We've had many ups and downs over the last few years, but I can't imagine my life without them in it.
3. Of course I'm thankful for Liliana. She is a special baby girl and I am so grateful that I'm being given the opportunity to be her mommy.
There are many other things I'm thankful for, but I have pies in the oven and no time to continue.
If any of you are interested, I would love to receive comments from you letting me know what you are thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
I know many of you are waiting to bring your children home, just like we are. For me, the Holidays feel a little different this year, but yet in a good way. So, let me share what I'm thankful for this year.
1. My husband. He has a tough job being married to me and I appreciate all he does for me and the boys. He is the love of my life and I'm so Thankful that I married him and get to spend my life with him.
2. My boys. We've had many ups and downs over the last few years, but I can't imagine my life without them in it.
3. Of course I'm thankful for Liliana. She is a special baby girl and I am so grateful that I'm being given the opportunity to be her mommy.
There are many other things I'm thankful for, but I have pies in the oven and no time to continue.
If any of you are interested, I would love to receive comments from you letting me know what you are thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
And More Pictures of Lili
I don't think it's possible for me to post too many pictures of Lili. Enjoy!
Mommy loves gardening and it looks like she has a future gardener in the making.
From one beautiful rose to another beautiful rose.
Mommy loves gardening and it looks like she has a future gardener in the making.From one beautiful rose to another beautiful rose.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
New Pictures of Lili
Our friends are still in Guatemala on their pickup trip and they graciously took some gifts down for Lili and her foster family. Our foster mom and her oldest daughter took Lili to the hotel earlier this week to pick everything up and the benefit to me was new pictures.
Here's a couple new pictures of Lili!
Nice skirt mommy, but the tag is better.
I'm a big girl now!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Favorite Photo Friday
An on-going trend in blogs has been "favorite photo Fridays." However, since I've been experiencing pre-adoption brain drain syndrome (PSBDS), I kept forgetting to participate. Apparently I've had a break through in my PSBDS, because today I actually remembered.
So, here is one of my favorite pictures.
This is a picture of our youngest son, Ben and our dogs Jada and Lexie (Jada is the larger darker dog). This picture was taken just over a year ago a couple days after Ben had his wisdom teeth removed. I couldn't believe how large his cheeks got and had to snap pictures. I don't imagine he'll be too thrilled that I posted this picture out there for everyone to see. Also, Lexie had only been home a few weeks in this picture. Not only do kids grow fast, but so do puppies :-(
So you can compare Ben's cheek size, here is a before photo.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
PGN and More on Attachment and Bonding
I know many families call PGN to obtain status of their case, however, I was going to wait a little longer before calling until a friend of mine encouraged me to go ahead and make the call. So, on the 4th attempt this morning, I was able to speak to someone who told me that we are on the 2nd reviewer's desk. Assuming the 2nd reviewer doesn't issue a previo (kick-out) on our case, our next stop will be the desk of Mr. Barrios. His signature is the final step of PGN and then we obtain Lili's birth mother's signature and she is legally ours. The nice woman I spoke to said I could call again in 2 weeks to check on our case, so be watching for that update.
Bonding and attachment are both cornerstones of human development, essential to a child’s stable functioning as she grows.
Bonding and attachment are terms that are often used interchangeably. However, the stages of infancy and toddlerhood are more accurately portrayed by distinguishing bonding from attachment.
Bonding is the basic link of trust between infant and caretaker, usually the mother. It develops from repeated completions, particularly during the first six months, of the following cycle:
The quality of an infant’s initial attachment is enormously important for it influences all subsequent development. Attachment has been identified as playing a vital role in all of the following: maintaining the bonds of trust, attaining full intellectual potential, acquiring a conscience, developing relationships with others, identity and self-esteem, learning to regulate feelings, language development, and brain structures and organization of the nervous system.
© Lawrence B. Smith, L.C.S.W. - C., L.I.C.S.W.
Credits: Lawrence B Smith L.C.S.W. - C., L.I.C.S.W.9305 Mintwood StreetSilver Springs, MD 20901301 589-3780Fax 301 588-1933lbsmith@annapolis.netwww.attachmentdisordermaryland.com
Bonding and Attachment: When it Goes Right
Bonding and attachment are both cornerstones of human development, essential to a child’s stable functioning as she grows.
Bonding and attachment are terms that are often used interchangeably. However, the stages of infancy and toddlerhood are more accurately portrayed by distinguishing bonding from attachment.
Bonding is the basic link of trust between infant and caretaker, usually the mother. It develops from repeated completions, particularly during the first six months, of the following cycle:
- infant need
- crying
- rage reaction
- parental action to meet need
- satisfaction
- relaxation
Successful bonding results in an infant acquiring a basic trust in others as responsive, in the world as a benign place, and in self as able to communicate needs.
As an infant approaches toddlerhood, she begins to encounter parental limits for the first time. This initiates a second bonding cycle:- child behavior
- adult limit
- frustration and shame
- adult restates intention to keep child safe
As a result of this cycle, a child develops trust in adult authority and limits. However, for this second cycle to be successful, the shame that is a natural part of the young toddler’s reaction to limits needs addressing. Usually a parent-initiated, positive interaction shortly after the limit-setting is all that is required to protect both bonding and attachment from the disruptive effects of shame.
These two bonding cycles form the foundation out of which attachment grows. While bonding is about trust, attachment is about affection. Attachment can be defined as a person-specific relationship that is dominated by affectionate interchanges. It is not a prisoner of immediate time and space, but extends beyond that. Attachment initially grows out of many instances of a young infant experiencing her parent as reflecting her emotional state. As a child grows, other mutually satisfying interactions add to the parent-child attachment.The quality of an infant’s initial attachment is enormously important for it influences all subsequent development. Attachment has been identified as playing a vital role in all of the following: maintaining the bonds of trust, attaining full intellectual potential, acquiring a conscience, developing relationships with others, identity and self-esteem, learning to regulate feelings, language development, and brain structures and organization of the nervous system.
© Lawrence B. Smith, L.C.S.W. - C., L.I.C.S.W.
Credits: Lawrence B Smith L.C.S.W. - C., L.I.C.S.W.9305 Mintwood StreetSilver Springs, MD 20901301 589-3780Fax 301 588-1933lbsmith@annapolis.netwww.attachmentdisordermaryland.com
Monday, November 12, 2007
My New Do
Our friends are in Guatemala picking up their son and they asked us to keep their 13 year old daughter during the weekends of their trip. This past weekend was weekend #1 and we also had our 9 year old niece for part of the weekend.
Saturday night we call Guatemala so our friends could talk to their daughter and also because I really needed a good update on how everything was going. While I was on the phone getting the update, the girls decided I needed a new hair style. I can remember how fun it was to play "beauty shop" growing up, so I really didn't have a problem with them styling my hair as long as there weren't any scissors involved. The outcome left me speechless, but is so worth sharing with all my blog readers.
Please note, the piece of hair across my forehead and the way my hair is standing out from the approximately 1 dozen pony tails they put in my hair is the result of about a 1/2 tube of hair gel. And yes, the piece of hair across my forehead is actually stuck to my forehead with gel :-)Dave found it a bit difficult to carry on a serious conversation with me after the hair styling incident and I had to keep the do until my sister-in-law arrived a little later than evening. I'm sure you can imagine the look on her face when she walked in the door.
There was a lot of laughter in our house before, during, and after the new do and laughter is always a good thing in my book.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
October Update on Lili Plus Attachment and Bonding Part IV
We received Lili's October medical update, so like always, I'm sharing it with everyone.
On October 29th, at 5 months 29 days of age she weighed 14 lbs 8 ozs. and was 26 inches long.
She laughs, babbles, moves her hands toward things she wants, pulls the sheets off her face, already wants to turn over, sleeps with her pink blanket and her doll. She is very curious. She is presently enjoying complete health.
I was so happy to read that she sleeps with her pink blanket and doll since we had given these to her on our visit trip. Because incorporating all five senses can be very helpful in attachment and bonding, we slept with this blanket and doll for several weeks prior to our visit. We hoped this would help her to continue to remember us through sense of smell and also through touch. Our foster mom will give these items back to us when we go to pick Lili up and she will have those two familiar items in her new home. I also gave our foster mom the same Bath and Body scents that I'm currently using, so she'll be familiar with that scent as well.
To incorporate her hearing sense I had sent a tape player with a recording of me reading books to Lili. Her foster mom told me that she plays the tape for her every day when she lays her down for her nap and she falls asleep listening to the sound of my voice. While I like to believe that my voice is so soothing that she drifts off to sleep, I also realize that I could be boring her to sleep :-)
Her sense of sight is being exercised as we left pictures of our family in baby safe photo albums.
Her sense of taste will be taken care of by using the same bottles and formula when she comes home.
Obviously, we won't know how well this has worked until we bring her home, but many parents who have gone before have had great success with this approach. I'm optimistic that this will truly help her adjust more quickly and is creating a good environment for healthy attachment and bonding.
On October 29th, at 5 months 29 days of age she weighed 14 lbs 8 ozs. and was 26 inches long.
She laughs, babbles, moves her hands toward things she wants, pulls the sheets off her face, already wants to turn over, sleeps with her pink blanket and her doll. She is very curious. She is presently enjoying complete health.
I was so happy to read that she sleeps with her pink blanket and doll since we had given these to her on our visit trip. Because incorporating all five senses can be very helpful in attachment and bonding, we slept with this blanket and doll for several weeks prior to our visit. We hoped this would help her to continue to remember us through sense of smell and also through touch. Our foster mom will give these items back to us when we go to pick Lili up and she will have those two familiar items in her new home. I also gave our foster mom the same Bath and Body scents that I'm currently using, so she'll be familiar with that scent as well.
To incorporate her hearing sense I had sent a tape player with a recording of me reading books to Lili. Her foster mom told me that she plays the tape for her every day when she lays her down for her nap and she falls asleep listening to the sound of my voice. While I like to believe that my voice is so soothing that she drifts off to sleep, I also realize that I could be boring her to sleep :-)
Her sense of sight is being exercised as we left pictures of our family in baby safe photo albums.
Her sense of taste will be taken care of by using the same bottles and formula when she comes home.
Obviously, we won't know how well this has worked until we bring her home, but many parents who have gone before have had great success with this approach. I'm optimistic that this will truly help her adjust more quickly and is creating a good environment for healthy attachment and bonding.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Attachment and Bonding - Part III
Children of the Heart: Attachment and Bonding in Adoption
By Rebecca M. Thomas
Imagine. You are a young child--one, five, eight years old--or maybe older. One day, someone comes to you in your foster home or your orphanage and says: "Very soon you're going to be leaving the world you know here with us forever. You are going to live with people you don't know. They will be your new family. No one you know will go with you. You may not recognize many things in your new home or neighborhood, but you'll get used to them. Soon, you'll be happy there in your new life."
For most children who are adopted, this transition from a known way of life--however good or bad it may be--to an unknown world represents a major life change as well as a significant life "loss." Yet, even though such transition may be difficult at first, most adoption stories have very happy endings!
Children of all ages placed for adoption do make a remarkable adjustment in being with their new family in a fairly short period of time. And their new families embrace them with great love, care and sensitivity to their needs. During this transitional time, which can last from just a few days or weeks to a few months or even years, each person in the family begins to bond and form a loving attachment with the new child.
Attachment is a core issue in adoption. Because without successful attachment, life is often difficult, stressful, empty or lonely for the child.
By Rebecca M. Thomas
Imagine. You are a young child--one, five, eight years old--or maybe older. One day, someone comes to you in your foster home or your orphanage and says: "Very soon you're going to be leaving the world you know here with us forever. You are going to live with people you don't know. They will be your new family. No one you know will go with you. You may not recognize many things in your new home or neighborhood, but you'll get used to them. Soon, you'll be happy there in your new life."
For most children who are adopted, this transition from a known way of life--however good or bad it may be--to an unknown world represents a major life change as well as a significant life "loss." Yet, even though such transition may be difficult at first, most adoption stories have very happy endings!
Children of all ages placed for adoption do make a remarkable adjustment in being with their new family in a fairly short period of time. And their new families embrace them with great love, care and sensitivity to their needs. During this transitional time, which can last from just a few days or weeks to a few months or even years, each person in the family begins to bond and form a loving attachment with the new child.
Attachment is a core issue in adoption. Because without successful attachment, life is often difficult, stressful, empty or lonely for the child.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Political Battles
Yesterday I was thrilled to be providing such exciting news and thanks to the Department of State, I'm back to posting less than exciting news.
Apparently, US Consul General John Lowell has requested a meeting with all Guatemalan parties in Congress in an attempt to strongarm them into not delaying the Ortega Law and the Hague until April, 2008, but to stick with their original January 1st deadline. Guatemala wants to postpone implementing the Hague until April 1, 2008 in order to better coincide with the US's likely ratification date. However, the U.S. Dept. of State would prefer that they stick with their original plan of implementing the Hague on January 1, 2008.
I really don't think I have enough time or space to try and express all my thoughts on this matter so, I'll try to compact them into as little space as possible.
I'M CONFUSED!
The U.S. Dept of State (DOS) has put out warnings, without telling us anything.
They have been "working" with Guatemala for months and months and months and lended their support (I think I'm stating this nicely) of the Oretga Law, which the Guatemalan Congress passed.
Now, when Guatemala states that they need more time and would like to implement their plan in an effort to align themselves with the U.S. implementation of the Hague, they're not pleased with that decision.
What is DOS trying to do here?
I think Kevin from Guatadopt has done an excellent job in expressing many of thoughts that I've had on the DOS involvement with Guatemalan adoption and I don't think he would mind if I shared this with all of you.
For many months it has been very clear to me that DOS wants Guatemala's adoption system shut down. They never come out and say it, but that has been the objective. For whatever reason, they lack the guts to just shut it down as they did with Cambodia. Instead, they have been taking this behind the scenes cowardly approach. They've issued ominous warnings, FAQs, and misleading statements. They have played games with the adoption advocacy organizations as a way to keep them at bay. And they used what I believe to be a huge red herring by bringing up a largely unfounded risk of in-process cases not being grandfathered.
Guatemala has approved the Ortega Law. To its credit, the Guatemalan Congress seems to realize that they need more time to institute the infrastructure. In addition, they realize that it is best for them not to have confusion regarding in-process, pipeline cases. Guatemala has just elected a new president who will take office early January. It only makes sense to give Alavaro Colom's administration a little bit of breathing room to get this law up and running.
But no, DOS is instead not respecting their right to figure this out for themselves. It isn't enough for DOS that they practically shoved the Ortega Law down the throats of the Guatemalan Congress. Is it a coincidence that Guatemala got a huge loan from the US approved the same day as they unexpectedly approved Ortega? Might John Lowell now come up with other incentives to get them not to delay Hague/Ortega?
Some have asked me why they are doing this. My simple answer is that they don't want pipeline cases once the US ratifies the Hague. They don't want the potential for 4-6 more months of people accepting referrals. This is why I say that they need to stop acting like covert agents and be open. Tell us what you want and what you are doing. If my theories are correct, then do what you need to do in the open. We all agree with the need for transparency in adoptions - that goes for DOS as well.
So DOS - enough already. I know that I have held back much of my criticism for too long. I've seen through your charade. In many meetings with adoption advocates, I called b.s. on your supposed open minded ideals. I know the pressure you put on the Guatemalan Congress. And now this. Well it is time for me to exercise my rights to free speech on this matter because quite frankly, this garbage is really pissing me off. To Condi Rice: from one Notre Dame alumni to another, please put the humanity and values I know you learned in South Bend to use on this matter. Look at the history of what happens when the US pushes Guatemala too much. The country has just held an amazing election that shows grassroots democracy is at work. Colom was elected by the people around the country, not the elite. It is an amazing time of hope for Guatemala and their Congress was doing the right thing here. Let Guatemala be and let it grow and flourish!
Everyone, let's get our government to be upfront, honest, and let Guatemala choose its own path. And let's remember that the key to ethical adoptions is busting the bad guys, not removing options for children!
If any of you are interested in getting involved, here is a letter you can use to send to your members of congress. I am also told that you can call 202 647 5291 to reach Condi Rice's office.
Sample letter:
Dear Senator/Congressman/Congresswoman _____,
I am a constituent writing to ask for your help. As you know, almost 4,000 American families [including mine/my sister's/a friend of mine/etc.] are in the process of adopting a child from Guatemala. The Guatemalan Congress is now deciding how best to bring its adoption system into compliance with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption.
It has been reported in Guatemalan newspapers that the Consul General to the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala, Mr. John Lowell, has been in contact with Guatemalan congressmen and political party leaders to lobby for a specific bill, the Ortega bill, that threatens to terminate or severely hinder in-process cases, putting the adoption cases of almost 4,000 Americans directly at risk. This, despite the fact that the Guatemalan Congress has indicated its clear intent to bring the Guatemalan adoption process in line with the requirements of the Hague treaty and the various options that are available to any country in developing a Hague-compliant procedure.
Mr. Lowell's actions, if as reported, are unconscionable. First, it is wholly improper for Mr. Lowell to interfere this way with the Guatemalan legislative process - Guatemala should be able to choose, without interference from Mr. Lowell or any other U.S. official, a process that involves both public and accredited private sector actors (like the one we will have in the U.S. when the U.S. implements the treaty next spring). Second, Mr. Lowell's actions are directly contrary to the best interests of the children in the adoption process and to the thousands of Americans who would be adversely affected by the passage of the Ortega bill.
I ask you to take all appropriate action available to you to prompt Mr. Lowell and all U.S. officials in Guatemala to refrain from interfering with the Guatemalan political process regarding intercountry adoption.
[your signature]
Apparently, US Consul General John Lowell has requested a meeting with all Guatemalan parties in Congress in an attempt to strongarm them into not delaying the Ortega Law and the Hague until April, 2008, but to stick with their original January 1st deadline. Guatemala wants to postpone implementing the Hague until April 1, 2008 in order to better coincide with the US's likely ratification date. However, the U.S. Dept. of State would prefer that they stick with their original plan of implementing the Hague on January 1, 2008.
I really don't think I have enough time or space to try and express all my thoughts on this matter so, I'll try to compact them into as little space as possible.
I'M CONFUSED!
The U.S. Dept of State (DOS) has put out warnings, without telling us anything.
They have been "working" with Guatemala for months and months and months and lended their support (I think I'm stating this nicely) of the Oretga Law, which the Guatemalan Congress passed.
Now, when Guatemala states that they need more time and would like to implement their plan in an effort to align themselves with the U.S. implementation of the Hague, they're not pleased with that decision.
What is DOS trying to do here?
I think Kevin from Guatadopt has done an excellent job in expressing many of thoughts that I've had on the DOS involvement with Guatemalan adoption and I don't think he would mind if I shared this with all of you.
For many months it has been very clear to me that DOS wants Guatemala's adoption system shut down. They never come out and say it, but that has been the objective. For whatever reason, they lack the guts to just shut it down as they did with Cambodia. Instead, they have been taking this behind the scenes cowardly approach. They've issued ominous warnings, FAQs, and misleading statements. They have played games with the adoption advocacy organizations as a way to keep them at bay. And they used what I believe to be a huge red herring by bringing up a largely unfounded risk of in-process cases not being grandfathered.
Guatemala has approved the Ortega Law. To its credit, the Guatemalan Congress seems to realize that they need more time to institute the infrastructure. In addition, they realize that it is best for them not to have confusion regarding in-process, pipeline cases. Guatemala has just elected a new president who will take office early January. It only makes sense to give Alavaro Colom's administration a little bit of breathing room to get this law up and running.
But no, DOS is instead not respecting their right to figure this out for themselves. It isn't enough for DOS that they practically shoved the Ortega Law down the throats of the Guatemalan Congress. Is it a coincidence that Guatemala got a huge loan from the US approved the same day as they unexpectedly approved Ortega? Might John Lowell now come up with other incentives to get them not to delay Hague/Ortega?
Some have asked me why they are doing this. My simple answer is that they don't want pipeline cases once the US ratifies the Hague. They don't want the potential for 4-6 more months of people accepting referrals. This is why I say that they need to stop acting like covert agents and be open. Tell us what you want and what you are doing. If my theories are correct, then do what you need to do in the open. We all agree with the need for transparency in adoptions - that goes for DOS as well.
So DOS - enough already. I know that I have held back much of my criticism for too long. I've seen through your charade. In many meetings with adoption advocates, I called b.s. on your supposed open minded ideals. I know the pressure you put on the Guatemalan Congress. And now this. Well it is time for me to exercise my rights to free speech on this matter because quite frankly, this garbage is really pissing me off. To Condi Rice: from one Notre Dame alumni to another, please put the humanity and values I know you learned in South Bend to use on this matter. Look at the history of what happens when the US pushes Guatemala too much. The country has just held an amazing election that shows grassroots democracy is at work. Colom was elected by the people around the country, not the elite. It is an amazing time of hope for Guatemala and their Congress was doing the right thing here. Let Guatemala be and let it grow and flourish!
Everyone, let's get our government to be upfront, honest, and let Guatemala choose its own path. And let's remember that the key to ethical adoptions is busting the bad guys, not removing options for children!
If any of you are interested in getting involved, here is a letter you can use to send to your members of congress. I am also told that you can call 202 647 5291 to reach Condi Rice's office.
Sample letter:
Dear Senator/Congressman/Congresswoman _____,
I am a constituent writing to ask for your help. As you know, almost 4,000 American families [including mine/my sister's/a friend of mine/etc.] are in the process of adopting a child from Guatemala. The Guatemalan Congress is now deciding how best to bring its adoption system into compliance with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption.
It has been reported in Guatemalan newspapers that the Consul General to the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala, Mr. John Lowell, has been in contact with Guatemalan congressmen and political party leaders to lobby for a specific bill, the Ortega bill, that threatens to terminate or severely hinder in-process cases, putting the adoption cases of almost 4,000 Americans directly at risk. This, despite the fact that the Guatemalan Congress has indicated its clear intent to bring the Guatemalan adoption process in line with the requirements of the Hague treaty and the various options that are available to any country in developing a Hague-compliant procedure.
Mr. Lowell's actions, if as reported, are unconscionable. First, it is wholly improper for Mr. Lowell to interfere this way with the Guatemalan legislative process - Guatemala should be able to choose, without interference from Mr. Lowell or any other U.S. official, a process that involves both public and accredited private sector actors (like the one we will have in the U.S. when the U.S. implements the treaty next spring). Second, Mr. Lowell's actions are directly contrary to the best interests of the children in the adoption process and to the thousands of Americans who would be adversely affected by the passage of the Ortega bill.
I ask you to take all appropriate action available to you to prompt Mr. Lowell and all U.S. officials in Guatemala to refrain from interfering with the Guatemalan political process regarding intercountry adoption.
[your signature]
Where's My Mind These Days?
When I was pregnant with our youngest, Ben, I remember a co-worker accusing me of having "fetal brain drain syndrome." It seemed that the further along I got in my pregnancy, the more forgetful I became. I don't remember having the same problem with the other two pregnancies, but maybe it was so bad I just can't remember :-) LOL
I assumed my forgetfulness was hormonal, but now I realize it wasn't hormonal at all since the further along we've gotten in our adoption, the more forgetful I've become. I have a couple recent examples.
I began cooking when I was probably 7 or 8 years old and can follow a recipe without problem. Not now. Even looking at the recipe, I still manage to forget ingredients. A couple weeks ago I was making dumplings and forgot the baking soda. I didn't realize I had forgotten the baking soda until I took the lid off the pan and saw dough balls. Last night I made corn bread and when I pulled it out of the oven it was flat. As I looked at the recipe I realize I forgot the baking powder.
Don't worry though, I'm not just forgetful when it comes to cooking, I've probably walked upstairs 5 times in the last couple of weeks to get something or do something and by the time I get up the stairs, I've completely forgotten why I'm there.
Last night Dave mentioned something about this being a lot like it was when I was pregnant and I suddenly realized that it is absolutely no different. How scary is that?!!!
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and we host Dave's family for Thanksgiving every year. I spend a couple days baking pies, cheesecake, and other desserts, then Thanksgiving morning I bake the turkey and make all the side dishes. Suddenly, I feel a bit concerned and wonder if I should hire an assistant just to make sure I haven't left anything out of the recipe.
For those family members that read my blog, I'm sorry for scaring you and hope that you'll still be here on Thanksgiving. I have reservations made just in case. Now, if I could just remember which restaurant it was?
I assumed my forgetfulness was hormonal, but now I realize it wasn't hormonal at all since the further along we've gotten in our adoption, the more forgetful I've become. I have a couple recent examples.
I began cooking when I was probably 7 or 8 years old and can follow a recipe without problem. Not now. Even looking at the recipe, I still manage to forget ingredients. A couple weeks ago I was making dumplings and forgot the baking soda. I didn't realize I had forgotten the baking soda until I took the lid off the pan and saw dough balls. Last night I made corn bread and when I pulled it out of the oven it was flat. As I looked at the recipe I realize I forgot the baking powder.
Don't worry though, I'm not just forgetful when it comes to cooking, I've probably walked upstairs 5 times in the last couple of weeks to get something or do something and by the time I get up the stairs, I've completely forgotten why I'm there.
Last night Dave mentioned something about this being a lot like it was when I was pregnant and I suddenly realized that it is absolutely no different. How scary is that?!!!
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and we host Dave's family for Thanksgiving every year. I spend a couple days baking pies, cheesecake, and other desserts, then Thanksgiving morning I bake the turkey and make all the side dishes. Suddenly, I feel a bit concerned and wonder if I should hire an assistant just to make sure I haven't left anything out of the recipe.
For those family members that read my blog, I'm sorry for scaring you and hope that you'll still be here on Thanksgiving. I have reservations made just in case. Now, if I could just remember which restaurant it was?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
And More Good News
We've been in PGN for 3 weeks and 1 day now, which means I couldn't take it any longer and had to find out if our Program Coordinator had any news from our attorney on our case. I got an email from her today and found out that so far we've not gotten a previo (kick-out) from PGN.
I know, you were all hoping the good news would be that we were out of PGN (me too), but knowing that we're still in there and our case is still moving along is good news to me.
I know, you were all hoping the good news would be that we were out of PGN (me too), but knowing that we're still in there and our case is still moving along is good news to me.
And the Good News Keeps on Coming
Even though all the news that has been reported today is good, the Guatemalan Congress still needs to vote on everything. Still, I just have to keep reporting as it read it.
Here is some good news from JCICS today.
November 7, 2007
Joint Council has continued to advocate for a rational and child centric transition to the Hague Convention in Guatemala. During our recent presentation at the Adoption Ethics & Accountability Conference in Washington, D.C., Joint Council called for the completion of adoptions in-process, the implementation of the Conventions core elements, an effective implementation date of April 2008 and funding for capacity building. We have continued to work with our colleagues in Guatemala along with members of the Guatemalan Congress in developing a functional child welfare system.
We can now report that members of the Guatemalan Congress, including numerous party chiefs, have submitted a new legislative proposal which;
- Includes a strong ‘grandfather’ clause,
- Designates April 30, 2008 as the effective implementation date of the Convention,
- Allocates $5 million Quetzales ($650,000 USD) for the creation of the Central Authority
- Allocates a percentage of the total government budget for child welfare services
- Creates a new government entity to act as the Central Authority in Guatemala,
- Provides for private non-profit accredited entities to provide services to children,
- Allows single potential adoptive parents to apply for adoption,
- Creates a functional process by which children can find a permanent, safe and loving family.
The new legislation is scheduled to be introduced to Congress early next week. In line with our mission of advocating for the right of each child to a permanent family, Joint Council will continue to work with our colleagues in Guatemala towards a positive and child centric implementation of the Convention.
Here is some good news from JCICS today.
November 7, 2007
Joint Council has continued to advocate for a rational and child centric transition to the Hague Convention in Guatemala. During our recent presentation at the Adoption Ethics & Accountability Conference in Washington, D.C., Joint Council called for the completion of adoptions in-process, the implementation of the Conventions core elements, an effective implementation date of April 2008 and funding for capacity building. We have continued to work with our colleagues in Guatemala along with members of the Guatemalan Congress in developing a functional child welfare system.
We can now report that members of the Guatemalan Congress, including numerous party chiefs, have submitted a new legislative proposal which;
- Includes a strong ‘grandfather’ clause,
- Designates April 30, 2008 as the effective implementation date of the Convention,
- Allocates $5 million Quetzales ($650,000 USD) for the creation of the Central Authority
- Allocates a percentage of the total government budget for child welfare services
- Creates a new government entity to act as the Central Authority in Guatemala,
- Provides for private non-profit accredited entities to provide services to children,
- Allows single potential adoptive parents to apply for adoption,
- Creates a functional process by which children can find a permanent, safe and loving family.
The new legislation is scheduled to be introduced to Congress early next week. In line with our mission of advocating for the right of each child to a permanent family, Joint Council will continue to work with our colleagues in Guatemala towards a positive and child centric implementation of the Convention.
I Didn't Expect This to Happen
If you've been reading my blog you know I frequently read various Yahoo groups and other forums on adoption, but primarily adoption from Guatemala. The one that I am probably most fond of is Guatadopt.com. The moderators of this forum do a good job of researching first to make sure the information they are providing to forum members is correct and since I've been a member of the forum, they've been right on the money. So, when I logged in this morning to see what is new in Guat adoptions, I expected to find pretty much the same information I've been reading for the last several weeks. What I didn't expect to read is that the Guatemala Congress has changed the implementation date of their Hague compliant Ortega Law to April 1, 2008. This is absolutely wonderful news!!!!!!!!!! This puts Guatemala's implementation date and the U.S. implementation date in line with each other, which would provide the opportunity to adoptions to continue between the two countries without interruption.
Please keep in mind that Guatemala still has a lot of work to do in becoming completely Hague compliant. However, they appear to be working very hard at getting this done and I must give them credit for doing so.
For those who are interested in reading the details posted on Guatadopt.com, please click on this link http://www.guatadopt.com/ and read under Guatemala Adoption Information and News.
I will continue to keep you updated as I have more information, but in the meantime, this is a good news day!
Please keep in mind that Guatemala still has a lot of work to do in becoming completely Hague compliant. However, they appear to be working very hard at getting this done and I must give them credit for doing so.
For those who are interested in reading the details posted on Guatadopt.com, please click on this link http://www.guatadopt.com/ and read under Guatemala Adoption Information and News.
I will continue to keep you updated as I have more information, but in the meantime, this is a good news day!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Attachment and Bonding, Part II
What Is Attachment?
Attachment is the deep and enduring connection established between a child and caregiver in the first several years of life. It profoundly influences every component of the human condition - mind, body, emotions, relationships and values. Attachment is not something that parents do to their children; rather, it is something that children and parents create together, in an ongoing reciprocal relationship. Attachment to a protective and loving caregiver who provides guidance and support is a basic human need, rooted in millions of years of evolution. There is an instinct to attach: babies instinctively reach out for the safety and security of the "secure base" with caregivers; parents instinctively protect and nurture their offspring. Attachment is a physiological, emotional, cognitive and social phenomenon. Instinctual attachment behaviors in the baby are activated by cues or signals from the caregiver (social releasers). Thus, the attachment process is defined as a "mutual regulatory system" - the baby and the caregiver influencing one another over time.
Beyond the basic function of secure attachment - providing safety and protection for the vulnerable young via closeness to a caregiver - there are several other important functions for children:
1. learn basic trust and reciprocity, which serves as a template for all future emotional relationships.
2. explore the environment with feelings of safety and security ("secure base"), which leads to healthy cognitive and social development.
3. develop the ability to self-regulate, which results in effective management of impulses and emotions.
4. create a foundation for the formation of identity, which includes a sense of competency, self-worth, and a balance between dependence and autonomy.
5. establish a prosocial moral framework, which involves empathy, compassion and conscience.
6. generate the core belief system, which comprises cognitive appraisals of self, caregivers, others, and life in general.
7. provide a defense against stress and trauma, which incorporates resourcefulness and resilience.
Attachment is the deep and enduring connection established between a child and caregiver in the first several years of life. It profoundly influences every component of the human condition - mind, body, emotions, relationships and values. Attachment is not something that parents do to their children; rather, it is something that children and parents create together, in an ongoing reciprocal relationship. Attachment to a protective and loving caregiver who provides guidance and support is a basic human need, rooted in millions of years of evolution. There is an instinct to attach: babies instinctively reach out for the safety and security of the "secure base" with caregivers; parents instinctively protect and nurture their offspring. Attachment is a physiological, emotional, cognitive and social phenomenon. Instinctual attachment behaviors in the baby are activated by cues or signals from the caregiver (social releasers). Thus, the attachment process is defined as a "mutual regulatory system" - the baby and the caregiver influencing one another over time.
Beyond the basic function of secure attachment - providing safety and protection for the vulnerable young via closeness to a caregiver - there are several other important functions for children:
1. learn basic trust and reciprocity, which serves as a template for all future emotional relationships.
2. explore the environment with feelings of safety and security ("secure base"), which leads to healthy cognitive and social development.
3. develop the ability to self-regulate, which results in effective management of impulses and emotions.
4. create a foundation for the formation of identity, which includes a sense of competency, self-worth, and a balance between dependence and autonomy.
5. establish a prosocial moral framework, which involves empathy, compassion and conscience.
6. generate the core belief system, which comprises cognitive appraisals of self, caregivers, others, and life in general.
7. provide a defense against stress and trauma, which incorporates resourcefulness and resilience.
Children who begin their lives with the essential foundation of secure attachment fare better in all aspects of functioning as development unfolds. Numerous longitudinal studies have demonstrated that securely attached infants and toddlers do better over time in the following areas:
- Self-esteem.
- Independence and autonomy.
- Resilience in the face of adversity.
- Ability to manage impulses and feelings.
- Long-term friendships.
- Relationships with parents, caregivers, and other authority figures.
- Prosocial coping skills.
- Trust, intimacy and affection..
- Positive and hopeful belief systems about self, family and society.
- Empathy, compassion and conscience.
- Behavioral performance and academic success in school.
- Promote secure attachment in their own children when they become adults.
Credits: Attachment Treatment and Training Institute, PLLC32065 Castle Court, Suite 325Evergreen, CO 80439Phone: (303) 674-4029Fax: (303) 674-4078attiepc@aol.com
Monday, November 5, 2007
Yes, Another Blog Post
The month of November is Adoption Awareness Month and someone on one of the forums I frequent (frequent is an understatement) suggested that we "go purple" for the month of November. Therefore, I'm going to be posting in purple for the remainder of the month.
Purple really wasn't the reason for a second blog post today, but attachment and bonding was the real reason.
Recently, I had a short conversation with a family member regarding attachment and how those parents who have adopted their child need to approach attachment and bonding. This conversation made me realize that I needed to begin sharing information with my friends and family, so I am going to be providing information on a regular basis between now and when we bring Lili home. I know there are a lot of people that will be anxious to meet her, but Dave and I are committed to doing what we feel is within her best interest and the attachment piece is huge. So, here is Part I on attachment and bonding.
What is Attachment? What Causes Attachment Issues?
First Year Bonding Cycle During the first year of life, baby's focus is on one goal: getting her needs met. The bonding cycle begins in utero and continues during infancy when the child experiences unpleasant sensations such as hunger, pain, discomfort, or tiredness. She expresses this feeling by whimpering, crying or raging. When her diaper is changed or she is given a bottle, the need is met, leading her to feel satisfied, creating a sense of trust. During the first year of life, this cycle of discomfort-need-gratification-trust, is created over and over again in a dance between mother and baby. Through this process the child understands that she is safe and loved. The cycle is disrupted by separation from the birth mother. The situation can be compounded by additional disruptions including hospitalization, foster care, or institutionalization. When the child's needs are not met or the caregivers are inconsistent, the child learns that the world is not safe. She believes that in order to survive, she must take care of herself, controlling everyone and everything in her little world.
Of course the first disruption in Lili's life took place when she left her birth mother and went to live with her foster family. She has been with her foster family since she was 3 days of age and has bonded and attached very well to them. Her needs have been met consistently and she is dearly loved by this family. The next disruption in her life is going to take place when we pick her up and bring her home. Fortunately, this will be the final disruption in her life as we will be her forever family, but we will need to make sure that we meet all her needs consistently. This may require that we start all over again as if she was a newborn just being brought home from the hospital.
I will continue to provide more information over the next few weeks and hope that everyone enjoys reading this information and understands the reason I'm providing it to you.
Purple really wasn't the reason for a second blog post today, but attachment and bonding was the real reason.
Recently, I had a short conversation with a family member regarding attachment and how those parents who have adopted their child need to approach attachment and bonding. This conversation made me realize that I needed to begin sharing information with my friends and family, so I am going to be providing information on a regular basis between now and when we bring Lili home. I know there are a lot of people that will be anxious to meet her, but Dave and I are committed to doing what we feel is within her best interest and the attachment piece is huge. So, here is Part I on attachment and bonding.
What is Attachment? What Causes Attachment Issues?
First Year Bonding Cycle During the first year of life, baby's focus is on one goal: getting her needs met. The bonding cycle begins in utero and continues during infancy when the child experiences unpleasant sensations such as hunger, pain, discomfort, or tiredness. She expresses this feeling by whimpering, crying or raging. When her diaper is changed or she is given a bottle, the need is met, leading her to feel satisfied, creating a sense of trust. During the first year of life, this cycle of discomfort-need-gratification-trust, is created over and over again in a dance between mother and baby. Through this process the child understands that she is safe and loved. The cycle is disrupted by separation from the birth mother. The situation can be compounded by additional disruptions including hospitalization, foster care, or institutionalization. When the child's needs are not met or the caregivers are inconsistent, the child learns that the world is not safe. She believes that in order to survive, she must take care of herself, controlling everyone and everything in her little world.
Of course the first disruption in Lili's life took place when she left her birth mother and went to live with her foster family. She has been with her foster family since she was 3 days of age and has bonded and attached very well to them. Her needs have been met consistently and she is dearly loved by this family. The next disruption in her life is going to take place when we pick her up and bring her home. Fortunately, this will be the final disruption in her life as we will be her forever family, but we will need to make sure that we meet all her needs consistently. This may require that we start all over again as if she was a newborn just being brought home from the hospital.
I will continue to provide more information over the next few weeks and hope that everyone enjoys reading this information and understands the reason I'm providing it to you.
Guatemala Has a New President
Yesterday Guatemala held their run off elections for president. The votes have been tallied and the new president is Alvaro Colom. For those who are interested, here is an article about the the new president http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/11/05/america/05guatemala.php.
And here is an article about the new vice president http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rafael_Espada.
And here is an article about the new vice president http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rafael_Espada.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Doing What is Best for the Children
There has been a lot of attention drawn toward adoption in Guatemala over the last several months due to the upcoming ratification of the Hague Treaty both in Guatemala and in the U.S. Unfortunately, much of the attention has been negative, which has been both frustrating and sad. Very few people actually know or understand what is happening not only with adoptions in Guatemala, but International adoption in general. We read the newspaper articles or watch the various news programs on t.v. that depict International adoption in a bad light and needless-to-say, many people believe what they are reading as the gospel truth. We want and need people to understand the real truth and the reality of International adoption.
Because it is rare that a newspaper, magazine, or t.v. show depicts a realistic picture of International adoption, when it happens I feel it is my job to share this information with as many people as possible. In my opinion, this article states the sad truth of what has happened and what will happen in those countries that limit or completely end the possibility of International adoption for children in their countries. I'm including the link to the article in hopes that everyone will read and share this with others. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/02/AR2007110201782.html
Because it is rare that a newspaper, magazine, or t.v. show depicts a realistic picture of International adoption, when it happens I feel it is my job to share this information with as many people as possible. In my opinion, this article states the sad truth of what has happened and what will happen in those countries that limit or completely end the possibility of International adoption for children in their countries. I'm including the link to the article in hopes that everyone will read and share this with others. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/02/AR2007110201782.html
Friday, November 2, 2007
Out of PGN, Pink Slip Issued, and Home
Although I very much look forward to the day I can post that we are out of PGN, I'm not able to post that at this time. I'm even more anxious for the day I can post we are going to pick Lili up to bring her home, but I can't post that yet. The most exciting post will be the day I can post pictures of Lili in my arms and in our house, but it's not time for that post yet either.
However, I can at least post that I have two friends from Central Illinois that will be traveling next week to pick up their children. After a very long and rough journey, my friend KL and her hubby will be leaving next Friday to pick up their son. They have experienced delay after delay after delay, but very soon this will all be over and their little boy will be in their arms forever. He joins 5 older sisters and I'm sure will be one spoiled little guy.
My other friend is actually an email buddy at this point, but I have no doubt we'll meet in person one day very soon. KR and her hubby are also leaving in a couple days to pick up their baby girl.
In addition, I have two more friends that just returned home from their pick up trips, both with sons.
I'm so happy for each of these families and look forward to meeting each of these precious children.
However, I can at least post that I have two friends from Central Illinois that will be traveling next week to pick up their children. After a very long and rough journey, my friend KL and her hubby will be leaving next Friday to pick up their son. They have experienced delay after delay after delay, but very soon this will all be over and their little boy will be in their arms forever. He joins 5 older sisters and I'm sure will be one spoiled little guy.
My other friend is actually an email buddy at this point, but I have no doubt we'll meet in person one day very soon. KR and her hubby are also leaving in a couple days to pick up their baby girl.
In addition, I have two more friends that just returned home from their pick up trips, both with sons.
I'm so happy for each of these families and look forward to meeting each of these precious children.
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