Attachment and Bonding Continued

Q. Why are you posting so much information regarding attachment and bonding?



A. Because attachment and bonding is so vitally important in a child's development and especially in the development of a child who has become part of a family through adoption. Poor attachment and bonding can cause a multitude of problems throughout an individuals life. Because this topic is so important, our agency requires that all adoptive parents go through training on attachment and bonding. Dave and I have continued to read books and articles on this subject and want to make sure we do everything possible to make sure that Lili attaches and bonds well to both of us.


When we bring Lili home, it may be difficult for well-meaning friends and family to understand why we might ask them to give us time alone as a new family or why we may tell someone they can't hold Lili. Believe me, we will be anxious for everyone to meet her as soon as she comes home, but as parents we are required to put her needs first and one of those needs is her attachment and bonding to us as her parents and her brothers as her siblings. Sometimes the best way to gather support from friends and family is to educate. Thus, the reason for so many posts on attachment and bonding.



With this in mind, here is more information on the topic of attachment and bonding from www.childsafety.qld.gov.




Attachment - the feeling or need a child has for one or both care givers.
Bonding - the development of love between a parent and child.
Attachment behaviour - behaviours demonstrated by a child to elicit a response from an adult to feel close, for example - crying, smiling, following.


Research suggests that attachment is a learned ability where emotional connections between a parent and child are nurtured over time through mutual interaction, and is based on trust. Bonding, on the other hand, occurs between a parent and child without knowledge, intent or conscious effort.


Attachment is formed between a parent and child shortly after birth and develops during the first three years of a child's life as the parent continually meets the physical and emotional needs of their child. Attachment is based on trust - giving birth to a child does not bias a child's attachment with their biological parents over adopted parents.


It is important that an attachment is formed between a child and their parents in order for the child to grow. Attachment does not necessarily form instantly. Through early interaction with the parents, the child develops a cognitive model of themselves, their parents and the world, which allows them to interpret all subsequent experiences.


With adoption, a child must make an immediate emotional attachment to their adoptive parents. An adopted child will sense changes in sounds, smells, stress and rhythms and may respond to these changes by crying, having difficulty sucking, experiencing bowel or bladder disturbances or withdrawal.


It is likely that these changes will be temporary as the child adjusts to their new environment. For adoptive parents to feel attached to their newly adopted child, they must feel confident that they understand the child's cues, including what their cries mean, what will comfort them and what an older child thinks and feels.



There are four types of attachment that can develop between a child and their adoptive parent.



These are:

1. Secure attachment
2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
3. Insecure or resistant attachment
4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment



1. Secure attachment
Occurs when the child feels valued, understood, accepted, and is helped by caring parents to make choices. This allows the child to develop self-esteem and a capacity to think and manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviour in a way that is accepted.

2. Insecure or avoidant attachment
Occurs when the caregiver finds it difficult to accept or respond sensitively to the child's needs. As a result, the child may find that their demands are rejected, their feelings are ignored and that the parent tries to take over in an intrusive, insensitive way.
The child learns to hide their feelings in order to avoid upsetting the parent and provoking rejection or intrusion. It is more comfortable for the child to be self-reliant, which makes it more likely that the parent will stay close.

3. Insecure or resistant attachment
Occurs when the parent responds to the child's demands in a sporadic, unpredictable and insensitive manner. The child finds it difficult to develop closeness with the parent. Care and protection are sometimes offered by the parent, but it is uncertain and ineffective.

Initially, the child may constantly make demands to attract and keep the attention of the parent. Over time, the child becomes preoccupied, demanding, clingy, distrustful and resistant.

4. Disorganised and disoriented attachment
Occurs when the parent is unpredictable, frightening and rejects the child's needs. The child is in a situation of fear without a solution. Parents do not care for the child, appear out of control, are hostile and helpless to protect the child.


The child's failed efforts to receive care and protection from the parent results in fear, anxiety and confusion. Over time, the child develops controlling behaviours to enable them to feel safe. Feelings of fear and anxiety remain unresolved and surface at times of stress.


The success of adoptive parents in forming an attachment with their child depends on their understanding of attachment. Their behaviour in forming an attachment with their child is influenced by conscious and unconscious memories of being parented as children.

Developing attachment with your child
In developing an attachment with your child, it is important that you think about the following factors:


-Attachments can form at any age and stage of the child's development, but are likely to be influenced by previous relationships.


-An attachment between a child and their adoptive parents is not necessarily a result of a close or loving relationship - a child will form an attachment to parents who provide love and support, but will also form an attachment to parents who are insensitive or who abuse and frighten them.

-The quality of care provided by the parents will impact on the child's physical, psychological, social and emotional development.


-The type of care provided by the parent will continue to affect the type of attachment they have with their child, and as a result the child's behaviour, as the child grows from infancy to adolescence.


-A child's attachment with their parent may be affected by life experiences that change the type of care provided by their parent. This means that a secure child may become insecure, or an insecure child may become secure in their attachment with their parent.


-Adoptive parents have an opportunity to influence their child's development, security and happiness, regardless of the child's past experiences, as a result of developing a secure attachment with their child.