Yes, Another Blog Post

The month of November is Adoption Awareness Month and someone on one of the forums I frequent (frequent is an understatement) suggested that we "go purple" for the month of November. Therefore, I'm going to be posting in purple for the remainder of the month.

Purple really wasn't the reason for a second blog post today, but attachment and bonding was the real reason.

Recently, I had a short conversation with a family member regarding attachment and how those parents who have adopted their child need to approach attachment and bonding. This conversation made me realize that I needed to begin sharing information with my friends and family, so I am going to be providing information on a regular basis between now and when we bring Lili home. I know there are a lot of people that will be anxious to meet her, but Dave and I are committed to doing what we feel is within her best interest and the attachment piece is huge. So, here is Part I on attachment and bonding.


What is Attachment? What Causes Attachment Issues?

First Year Bonding Cycle During the first year of life, baby's focus is on one goal: getting her needs met. The bonding cycle begins in utero and continues during infancy when the child experiences unpleasant sensations such as hunger, pain, discomfort, or tiredness. She expresses this feeling by whimpering, crying or raging. When her diaper is changed or she is given a bottle, the need is met, leading her to feel satisfied, creating a sense of trust. During the first year of life, this cycle of discomfort-need-gratification-trust, is created over and over again in a dance between mother and baby. Through this process the child understands that she is safe and loved. The cycle is disrupted by separation from the birth mother. The situation can be compounded by additional disruptions including hospitalization, foster care, or institutionalization. When the child's needs are not met or the caregivers are inconsistent, the child learns that the world is not safe. She believes that in order to survive, she must take care of herself, controlling everyone and everything in her little world.

Of course the first disruption in Lili's life took place when she left her birth mother and went to live with her foster family. She has been with her foster family since she was 3 days of age and has bonded and attached very well to them. Her needs have been met consistently and she is dearly loved by this family. The next disruption in her life is going to take place when we pick her up and bring her home. Fortunately, this will be the final disruption in her life as we will be her forever family, but we will need to make sure that we meet all her needs consistently. This may require that we start all over again as if she was a newborn just being brought home from the hospital.

I will continue to provide more information over the next few weeks and hope that everyone enjoys reading this information and understands the reason I'm providing it to you.